How can you not love America? It’s the only country where a guy can celebrate a personal workplace accomplishment by taking a fake dump and then wipe his ass with a ball, get in trouble by his boss and his mother for this action and then get the opportunity to make even more money by being a famous spokes person for a company that sells a product that is an upgrade to traditional toilet paper. That’s the country we live in and I’m all for it. Go Crowell!

This is a story of someone grabbing a hold of the American Dream that you hear so much about. Kids get told everyday that if they work hard and help people out then life will work out for them. What a lie that is amiright?! What kids should be getting told is that if you do something completely ill advised, you just might get paid off for it either by money or a years worth of the most top of the line, best that money can by ass-wiping product as long as you’re a NFL running back and score a TD on Monday Night Football.

Crowell’s Backup Plan

I don’t know how long Crowell will be playing ball for, but a career in male butt-wiping maintenance seems to be waiting for him. Must be nice to have that kind of job just waiting for you for when you hang’em up. He better watch out though because it seems that anyone who’s a NFL player can step in and take his spot. Crowell better hope that Pat Mahomes doesn’t decide to get in the game that is premier butt-wiping products because that guy is about to be everywhere and he might just be the perfect candidate to take clean male buttholes to the next level.

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