Wow. IT”S FINALLY THANKSGIVING UP IN HERE. So in the past we’ve done NFL power rankings, College Football power rankings and many more sports power rankings. Now…now it’s time to stop playing around and talk about some damn food baby! It’s time to sit down, put your bib on and get your grub on!
I know you’re probably already knee deep in devouring your meal and watching football with your family or even yourself but thanks for reading and be sure to hit us up on Twitter and Instagram to let us know what you think about these power rankings. However, these are 1000% the best foods and they’re all ranked perfectly. Also, grabbing a beer out of the fridge is expected as well. Without further adieu…
Honestly, not really a fan of cranberry sauce. Yeah it’s festive and all. Looks cool. All red and succulent, but it’s eh… not really that good. I guess it gives a little bit of flavor but if it’s soooo good, why don’t you eat it any other time of the year? Exactly. Shut your face.
Let’s be honest, no Thanksgiving is a Thanksgiving unless you have a pie. I ranked Pumpkin pie at number 9 because obviously it had to make the list. At number 9, I just think everyone is pretty tired of everything and anything pumpkin by the end of November. I mean c’mon. Still, it’s pretty banging with some whipped cream on top.
First, let’s talk about Mashed Potatoes. I love that ‘ish. Buttery, creamy and just out of this world. Mashed potatoes make a Thanksgiving complete. Yeah, they could be higher on the list but as a side dish, you have to be pretty damn good to make it in the top 5. For Sweet Potatoes, you can NEVER go wrong with those ooey gooey marshmallows and cinnamon sugar on top. When they’re warm and fresh out of the oven, they’ll make you cream your pants.
The Gravy makes the Turkey. If not for the Gravy, Turkey would not be the main dish of Thanksgiving. Also, if your host on Thanksgiving serves canned Gravy you should just leave and steal all of their alcohol. The Gravy MUST be homemade and nothing else. The flavoring must be out of this world. I’m talking like how Madea or any African-American woman over 50 makes that shit. If it’s done to perfection then you should be able to sit there and eat the Gravy with a spoon.
Believe it or not, I had never had green bean casserole until about a year ago (i’m 21). Yeah screw my childhood I guess. But for real though, that shit is banging. I know it should probably be higher on the list but it comes in sneaky at number 6. Green bean casserole is best when you have those crunchy onion straws on top that give it that extra yum it needs. I mean, if you throw fried onions on top of anything it’s gonna taste good.
Obviously the Turkey had to make it into the Top 5. If it didn’t I would get even more criticism that I already am. Anyway, for all of the meat lovers out there, we LOVE our Turkey (and really any other meat that your host serves on Thanksgiving). If you’re honest with yourself you’ll admit that Turkey is bland. Again, Turkey is not complete without Gravy. Regardless, it’s a tradition and gives you a lot of protein so tear it up and always eat a turkey leg so that you look like a beast in front of all guests.
Yoooooooo. I should’ve definitely put this higher up on the list. Mac & Cheese is definitely the best side hands down (besides the all mighty stuffing). No comparison to anything and if you think otherwise then I hope you choke on a Turkey leg. If I was the President of the United States I would make Mac & Cheese the official food of the world. That’s how good Macaroni and Cheese is. That cheesy, warm, golden Mac & Cheese will leave you stuff’d and wanting a nap mid-dinner.
You can say “wtf J-Mo, what were you thinking” all you want. I don’t care. Pecan Pie is the best dessert hands down. I love that shit so much. Pecan pie has the best filling, the best crust and those Pecans on top just give it the extra tastiness that you need to end your Thanksgiving dinner. Idk, it must just be a southern thing but who knows. Oh, and it’s pronounced “Pee-Can” NOT “Pa-Cawn” you uncultured swine.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. That’s all I have to say. BEST SIDE HANDS DOWN. I’m currently eating some right now. It’s my favorite part about this overrated holiday (don’t @ me). Stuffing fills you up and makes you feel fat for a good reason. God, I love Stuffing. Some people call it dressing but those people are dumb. It’s called Stuffing for a reason… because you eat so much of it that you’re stuff’d to the max but still somehow saving some room for Pie.
How could this not be on the list? I mean really? You thought that I was gonna leave off beer, wine, whiskey, vodka, four loko (I mean, shit) or anything else off of this list? No way. Depending on how many Grandma’s, Grandpa’s, family friends, or even Hillary supporters are at your table, Booze will always be atop the list. Now, how much of it is definitely another story. Especially if Grandma Betty is sitting next to you. Regardless, at the end of the night you’ll find yourself passed out in your bed happy and full with a beer gut sitting beside you.
Hope you enjoyed my Thanksgiving Power Rankings. I just Martha Stewarted your ass. Food Network hit me up. Don’t forget to watch the shitty Thanksgiving day football games this year! That’s simply a fact! Thanks for reading and don’t forget to follow me on Instagram and Twitter– @jcmoore19 and my new Belly Up Twitter – @JordanBellyUp