Welcome to Slone’s Thoughts. Did you ever watch “The Office”? Ever heard of Creed’s Thoughts? Well, this is that. But with sports.
San Diego Padres Lose Their Twitter Handle
The Padres changed their Twitter handle from @Padres to @Madres for Mother’s Day, which is a pretty cool idea.
Just in case someone out there for some strange reason doesn’t know what a Madre is, it’s Spanish for mom. That’s right, folks. Here at BellyUp, we’re all about educating you, whether it’s about sports or about a foreign language.
The only issue? Whichever dumbass social media intern that changed the Twitter handle forgot to reserve the @Padres handle under a fake Twitter account so he could switch back to the original handle after Mother’s Day. The result?
Sneaky Ricky Padilla. Your mother always told you to never trust that guy.
Ricky’s fun wouldn’t last forever, as Twitter eventually changed his handle back to his O.G. one, giving the Padres the freedom to eventually return to their original Twitter handle.
Cleveland Cavaliers Hire John Beilein from my Wolverines
John Beilein had a successful tenure at Michigan and even made two appearances in the National Championship game. I can’t wrap my head around Beilein’s decision, because the Cavs are beyond horrendous and are s c r e w e d if they don’t land the first or second overall pick, because Zion Williamson and Ja Morant are the only true franchise altering players in this draft.*
So, congrats on the new job I guess. I don’t think you’ll win a lot of games. I don’t care. Have fun. I’m mad.
*The Cavs will end up with the third pick, select R.J. Barrett, and he’ll become the greatest player of all-time just to shut me up.
This pitcher knew what he was doing on the pickoff attempt. He probably heard the coach bashing him in between innings, so he had to make him pay for the “We need to rake off this kid, he throws like a pussy!” comment.
Charges Dropped Against McGregor
Remember when McGregor slapped a phone out of someone’s hand, stomped on it, and then took off with it in his pocket? Come to find out, that gets you charged with strong-armed robbery and criminal mischief.
McGregor settled with the “victim”, aka the lucky bastard who got a nice amount of money to shut up about his phone being smashed, causing the victim to quit cooperating with the Florida State Attorney’s Office. The results of non-cooperation were the chargers being dropped.
That’s just proof that you can do whatever the fook you want as long as you have enough money to take care of the consequences.
Sonya and Dell Curry to Flip a Coin Over Which Son to Support in Conference Finals
The title basically says it all. The parents of Stephen and Seth Curry will flip a coin to decide which son to cheer for in the Western Conference Finals as Steph’s Warriors take on Lillard’s Trailblazers, the team that Seth just so happens to play for.
Want to know who to cheer for, Sonya and Dell? Steph. He has the most money and is more likely to take care of you with it when you’re on your own and senile. Thank me later.
76ers Trading Ben Simmons?
Philly is coming off one of the worst losses that their franchise has suffered and suddenly everyone want’s Ben Simmons’ head on a platter. Multiple outlets are reporting that the Sixers could possibly explore trading their young tall point guard that should play power forward but he’s really good with the ball in his hand and he’s a really good facilitator but he can’t shoot how the hell has he made it this far? to the Lakers for Lebron James, to Houston for Chris Paul, or even to New Orleans for Jrue Holiday. Do I believe this would ever happen? No. But who cares what I ever believe.(?)
Today I’m taking the Yankees, Twins, Indians, and Astros ML. Go ahead and take the Yankees -1.5 too. Hell, and the Yankees/Orioles over 8.5. New York will probably hit 9 home runs by themselves.
I’m also taking the St. Louis Blues Moneyline tonight, too. It’ll come down to the wire tonight, but St. Louis will leave San Jose tied in the series 1-1.
Love you guys and thanks for reading. I’ll see all of you beautiful folks tomorrow.