GBU NFL Rankings #30: Arizona Cardinals

There’s good and bad to find everywhere, but breaking down what’s ugly about everyone else’s team is what keeps us feeling superior as fans. Good, Bad, and Ugly Rankings are here to remind you that your team is just as ugly as the rest of them. Next up, the Arizona Cardinals.

With our next installment in the GBU Rankings, we have the Arizona Cardinals. The good news is that it’s not likely that it’ll get worse than last year! Let’s break down why, starting with the good.

The Good

The Cardinals drafted Kyler Murray out of Oklahoma with the first overall pick, and that’s exciting because… well honestly if you never watched an Oklahoma football game last year, you might not really know. Sure there’s been plenty of hype (going number one in the draft plus a quarterback controversy will do that), but what makes him so special? On paper, Murray is considered short because a long time ago everyone decided you had to be at least nine feet tall to be a good QB. This is infallible logic because no QB that’s six feet or shorter has ever succeeded in the NFL. Drew Brees, Russell Wilson, Fran Tarkenton, Doug Flutie... all busts, apparently. But watching Kyler Murray during his lone season as a starter last year would make it easy to forget about his height because he was so fun to watch.

It wasn’t long ago that it looked like he was going to be playing professional baseball instead of being in the NFL. Thank god he chose to make more money and play America’s most popular sport. If previous baseball/football (separate links) QBs are any indication, he’ll be able to put those skills to use. He has a throwing motion that’s incredibly smooth, and he defies the recent trend in running QBs by using his legs when he HAS to, instead of using them to compensate for mediocre arm talent. If you ask his teammates they’ll tell you that he already knows the offense inside and out, which removes a lot of the growing pains that rookie quarterbacks have when making the jump to the NFL.

As exciting as Murray is, new head coach Kliff Kingsbury is also incredibly exciting given that he’s worked with superstars Patrick Mahomes and Baker Mayfield. Kingsbury also helped shape Case Keenum’s incredible collegiate career, where he set multiple passing records that still stand. On top of all that, he had the bonus of being loosely associated with Sean McVay which was apparently all that really mattered when choosing a head coach this offseason. Kingsbury’s bread and butter is his offense, which plays to the strengths of this Cardinals roster.

In addition to Murray, he’ll have RB David Johnson and WR Larry Fitzgerald. Johnson is only two years removed from a 2000 yard season and should flourish under the new offensive scheme. Fitzgerald being here is great for the team as he’s one of the most likable players in NFL history. He’s also second all-time in every receiving statistic that matters. Last year was the worst outing of his career, but it’s easy to assume that it was an anomaly.

Kingsbury might be unproven at a professional level, but he’s an immediate upgrade over Steve Wilks and looks to have a bright future in Phoenix.

The Bad

Outside of Kyler Murray, there weren’t any other draft picks to jump up and down about. Somehow General Manager Steve Keim is still here and has yet to prove that he really deserves to be. The situation this team has found itself in after Carson Palmer’s retirement only fuels that doubt. Patrick Peterson is suspended to start the season, and there aren’t any other big playmakers on the defensive side of the ball.

While it’s true that Josh Rosen wouldn’t fit the new offense, it doesn’t change the fact that Keim spent a first round pick on him last year. Hell, Keim never even talked to Rosen about trading him away to Miami. There are still a lot of holes left on this team, with no apparent plans to fill them. Honestly, there just aren’t any games on the schedule that make you think “the Cardinals are definitely going to win” even with a new offense in place. Just ask Patrick Mahomes how far offense will get you without a quality defense backing you up.

The Arizona Cardinals share a division with the Rams, who are motivated after an embarrassing Super Bowl performance. The Seahawks can never be counted out for any reason, even if people are quick to do so. Rounding out the division are the 49ers who are going to be much better this year with Jimmy Garappalo coming back, and the slew of draft/offseason moves they’ve made. Absolutely nothing about this season is going to be easy, especially after all the buildup. Expectations are only as high as they are because the organization has sold it to us that way. The rest of us never assumed they’d be getting back to 2015 form.

The Ugly

This franchise’s success in Arizona has been defined by taking QBs in the twilight years of their careers and riding them out as long as possible. That’s it. Kurt Warner got them to a Super Bowl, and Carson Palmer got them to an NFC Championship game. Sam Bradford was absolutely unwatchable. But aside from Larry Fitzgerald, they haven’t made a lot of draft picks that have stood the test of time. In an NFC that is constantly improving, innovating, and fighting for the top spot, it’s hard to be the Cardinals. Ask someone that doesn’t care about football to name every team. The Arizona Cardinals are the last one they’d name. Maybe the Titans.

It’s a sad state of affairs for the fanbase. You’d admire them for staying devout if they weren’t Cardinals fans. This is the oldest franchise in the league, and across that time it has accomplished nothing. Also, a third of the year sees temperatures of 100 degrees or higher in Phoenix. Why would anyone want to live in such a place? They don’t! They either never managed to get out, or they had to move there for business. No one actually says “Arizona is the place for me.” Out of all 50 states, it’s simply the other state. Just like this team. It’s impossible to assume that any success will last more than the year it happens if it happens at all.

The Arizona Cardinals went an ugly 3-13 last year, and I don’t expect it’s going to get much better. In a tough division, with a new offense in place, I expect them to go 4-12. Keep an eye out for the next article of the Good, Bad, and Ugly Rankings!