Shame on the United States Women’s National Team

On Tuesday, the United States Women’s National Team defeated Thailand 13-0 in their opening match of the 2019 Women’s World Cup. Since the match, many have criticized the United States team. Comments of poor sportsmanship and excessive celebration have poured in, and after thinking long and hard, I’ve decided to share my opinion on it.

I’m ashamed of the United States Women’s Soccer Team.

You only beat Thailand 13-0???? Talk about an absolute disappointment. I want your opponent’s to have tears in their eyes, ready to weep from embarrassment after every. single. match.

Oh, okay then. Not a bad start. But not good enough! I need a 20-0 win next match, at the minimum. Alex Morgan, you only scored five goals against Thailand. Do you not care anymore? Do you just not want to give maximum effort? I better see a 10-goal performance against Chile on Sunday.

Our ultimate goal is to repeat and win another World Cup Championship, but I’m ultimately going to consider this entire summer a failure if we even give up a single goal. That’s right, I expect nothing but shutouts and total domination every single time we step out there on the pitch.

The Defending World Champions take on Chile on Sunday, June 16th. They’ll finish up group play on Thursday, June 20th against Sweden. Sweden defeated Chile 2-0, so I’m expecting us to defeat Chile by no less than 20 and Sweden by at least 10.

Everyone make sure to tune in and cheer our women on. This is the only time American’s can actually have a legitimate reason to brag about their national soccer team (looking at you men’s team that didn’t even qualify for last summer’s World Cup)

UNITED STATES WOMEN’S NATIONAL TEAM GOIN’ BACK-TO-BACK!!!!!!!!

p.s. I’d like to credit myself for looking up different soccer terms and almost sound like I know what I’m talking about. I used the word match instead of game and called the field a pitch. Wow, I can really do it all. Next time I’ll even say “nil” instead of “nothing”, or “zero”. So you all need to really be looking forward to that.