College hoops season is starting! Want a little recap of everything that took place since March Madness? And want some laughs as well? Here is part one of pre-season recap by CollegeHoopsHumor.com’s Dave Barend.
You can also find more of Dave’s college basketball jokes on Twitter @collhoopshumor
- The NCAA thinks the ratings were low for the Finals because Texas Tech was part of it. Whereas I think the ratings were low because the NCAA was part of it
- Notre Dame’s Muffett McGraw passionately decried the unfairness of the fact that “men have the power.” I know of only one exception – my marriage’s sex life
- John Calipari initially had serious concerns with the “lifetime contract” offered by Kentucky. He apparently confused it with the much more familiar “contract on his life.”
- A compliment from my wife: “Greg Gumbel is even more useless than you.”
- If the Virginia players wrote a children’s book about their inspiring story of perseverance they could make a fortune – for the NCAA
- In hopes of getting more teams in the NCAA Tournament, the PAC-12 seems to be increasing its conference schedule to 20 games. They might need to also hope that Duke and Kentucky join the PAC-12
- “Dear Virgina, Congrats on the greatest story of perseverance ever – for 6 days. Take Care, Tiger Woods
- Missouri’s Jontay Porter declared for the NBA draft, yet he’s essentially been unable to walk for a year. Makes sense to me. Walking is essentially non-existent in the NBA
- I’m not sure why Univ of Houston calls its arena the Fertitta Center. I’m pretty positive the word is Frittata
- Two coaches who’ve won multiple national championships aren’t getting interest from any of the teams with openings. No, not because of a prior scandal. Something apparently much worse: their names are Kim and Muffet.
- The 5th ranked high schooler is skipping college to play next season in Australia. And there you have the solution to the “one and done” problem: just make it Australia’s problem
- The NCAA has banned Florida A&M from next season’s Tournament. That’s about as impactful as my wife banning me from having sex with Scarlett Johansson
- 7′ 6″ Tacko Fall drew surprising glares at the NBA Draft combine. Which differs from every other day in his life, in no way whatsoever
- Zion Williamson’s stepdad announced that Zion will not be playing for Duke next season. And in similarly shocking news: neither will I
- The NCAA is likely changing the 3pt line to make things more like the pros. Hmm. Something tells me that the players would prefer a different change to make things more like the pros
- There are two types of NY Knicks fans: (1) Those who hoped the Knicks would get the #1 pick because they know Zion will be great. And (2) Those who know Zion will be great, unless the Knicks got the #1 pick
- One of the top 2019 unsigned recruits is a 6′ 9″, 220lb Nigerian power forward who’s been called a “complete beast”. And his first name is – Precious
- After being rejected by Rick Barnes and Jamie Dixon, UCLA had to settle for Mick Cronin as its new coach. Yup, a guy name Mick is once again proving, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.”
- Arizona coach Sean Miller may have paid a former player $10,000 per month. This sheds some light on why coaches love the “one and done”: they’d go bankrupt otherwise
You can also find more of Dave’s college basketball jokes on Twitter @collhoopshumor
