College Hoops Pre-Season Recap (Part 2)

College hoops season is starting!  Want a little recap of everything that took place since March Madness? And want some laughs as well?  Here is part two of pre-season recap by CollegeHoopsHumor.com’s Dave Barend.

You can also find more of Dave’s college basketball jokes on Twitter @collhoopshumor

• Long Island University just changed its nickname to the Sharks. It now needs to decide whether its mascot will be a great white or a lawyer.
• With UConn’s return to the Big East, its fans can stop asking, “Why the hell are we in the AAC?”  And they now can start asking, “Why the hell are we on Fox Sports 1?”
• Located in Louisville, Kentucky, Bellarmine University just announced it’s going Div 1 next year. It also felt compelled to add the following statement, “And we already have a coach, Rick.”

•  I was amazed at all of ESPN’s promotion for the NBA Draft. And was even more amazed that they give less than 30 minutes of air time to Mel Kiper Jr.
• The NCAA will reveal the 6 schools that will receive notices of Level 1 violations in July. Why the wait? Apparently the NCAA hasn’t had time to put all the names in a hat.
• John Calipari: “I promise you, I’m the best coach for your son.” Parent:  “Uh, isn’t your own son  looking to transfer?”
• Dick Vitale says Kansas might be a different team next season with the loss of 5 of its best players. And there you have the first ever use by Dickie V of understatement.
• According to ESPN, LSU’s Will Wade has signed three 5-star players despite allegations that he paid prior recruits.  Got to wonder if ESPN thinks “despite” is a synonym for “because.”
• Ok State has an ethically questionable plan to snag the #3 recruit – make his older brother an asst. coach. Got to say I’m hoping Ok St. forgot something: younger brothers often don’t like the person who gives them wedgies.
• Former  UConn coach Kevin Ollie has received a 3 year ban by the NCAA for misleading and lying to investigators. On the positive side, he’s now qualified to run for President.
• According to reports, Kerry Blackshear Jr. decided to go Florida as a grad transfer due to its 1st class basketball program.  Yet no word on his thoughts about Florida’s grad program.

• Just saw a headline: “Hefner joins Marietta College’s Women’s Hoops Team”. Oh I miss the days when that headline could have ended with”in a hot tub.”
• The NCAA has asked California if it understands that passing a law allowing athletes to get paid would be a violation. California then asked the NCAA if it understands what a law is.
• A judge sentenced former NBA great and Auburn asst. coach Chuck Person to 200 hrs of community service for accepting $91,500 in bribes. Stated otherwise, a judge sentenced Chuck Person to be paid $458/hour.
• The NCAA paid $208 million to settle with 53,748 former basketball and football players. Nice to see the plight of the athletes finally paying off- for the lawyers.
• Next year Jalen Johnson will be leaving Phenom University and heading to Duke. To be clear, Phenom University isn’t a place where Jalen goes for school. It’s just a team. Kind of like Duke.
• Due to NCAA violations DePaul is being forced to  vacate victories. This has led their infuriated alumni to ask, “We had victories?”