As the mushroom cloud that is the Houston Astros continues to grow bigger and consumes every person and MLB franchise in its path, the shortage of wild stories about the lengths they went to steal signs know no bounds.

It’s a weird video no doubt. Is this clear cut evidence (not that there needs to be more) that the Astros were cheating? I don’t know. It certainly seems that he’s yelling to the rest of the Astros to be careful when celebrating because the world really doesn’t want to see what’s under there.

Imagine the pressure that Jose Altuve was dealing with if he really did have a buzzer attached to him like he’s working undercover for the FBI. One false move, one slide into 2nd where his jersey gets pulled up and the secret is out. To say that Altuve and any other Astros were more on edge that the PED users is an understatement. Their struggle with the chance of getting exposed during every home game is something that won’t even be a footnote in the annals of history.

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I am here for whatever the next piece of outlandish evidence of the Astros cheating is that comes out. I want to see a video of George Springer yelling out what each pitch is to each batter. I want pictures of Carlos Correa sitting in center field operating an old-timey camera wearing a Bobby Valentine like disguise. I want a video of Justin Verlander getting interviewed after a game saying, “I pitched alright but I think what really gave us the edge tonight was the fact we were illegally stealing signs using technology greater than that of NASA.”

Then I want everyone to see these things and be like, “How did we miss all this?” All these things and maybe guys like Mark McGwire and Andy Pettitte weighing in on the severity of this would be gold. Here’s to this not ending any time soon.

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By the way, I wonder if it was uncomfortable to allegedly wear a wire. I would think it would be bothersome. I feel like I’d be concentrating on how much I hate how uncomfortable the buzzer is then trying to hit pitches I knew were coming. Oh well, I guess that’s why I don’t play in the majors. Yep, that’s the only reason.

By the way again, because I learned that people were apparently Hernandezing at one point, do you think folks might Altuve and just clutch their shirt while telling not to rip their shirts off? That’d be cool.

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