On Monday night, UFC fighter Jon Jones posted a video of what was sure to be the most terrifying moment in two young anarchist’s lives. The video captured Jones confronting two would-be vandals in Albuquerque, demanding that they hand over their spray paint bottles.
The last guy you want demanding that you hand your shit over is a towering 6’4″ professional fighting champion with a nickname like ‘Bones’. Based on these Rage Against The Machine groupie’s forehead-to-chin statures against Jones – and the surely terrified expression hidden behind their super cool masks – I’m willing to assume these are two 5’9″ 20 year olds that only hold fighting experience from within a mosh pit.
I don’t mean to sound judgment here either. I would be terrified if Jon Jones ran up on me and demanded I hand my shit over – regardless of fighting experience. I am just merely trying to size up the average mask-wearing, brick-throwing, spray-painting rioter that we’re dealing with here.
Assuming the average rioter is a 20-year-old with little-to-no fighting experience, weighing-in at roughly 170 lbs. and standing 5’9″, we can get a better understanding of just how many rioters a UFC fighter would be able to physically dominate at once.
In this clip, we saw Jones dominate two hardcore rioters from just his mere presence but what would happen if they decided to become confrontational? Surely they would have both woken up to the soothing sound of echoing sirens and EMT’s asking things like, “do you know where you are, sweetie?” But what if there were four System Of A Down fans instead of just two? Or maybe 5, or even 6? Just how many rioters would it have taken to cause even a glimpse of panic from Jon Jones?
Jon Jones vs. Rioters – Tale of the Tape
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Jon ‘Bones’ Jones
- Height: 6’4″
- Weight: 205 lbs
- Stance: Orthodox
- Record: 26-1-0
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Skyler ‘Killing In the Name of’ Rioter
- Height: 5’9″
- Weight: 170 lbs
- Stance: Anarchy
- Record: Possession of Marijuana, Vandalism
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Based on the video evidence, we can be confident that Jones would physically handle at least two rioters without even throwing a punch but by his presence a lone. Because of this, we can also be fairly certain that three rioters – even while fighting back – would stand no chance at winning a fight against Jon Jones.
My best estimate is that it would take at least six die-hard Black Flag fans to make Jones become nervous. That being said, I’m fulling confident in his ability to one-punch knockout almost every single one as they come rushing in – assuming they aren’t wielding skateboards.
To be honest, I have no idea how many rioters it would take to actually win a fight against Jon Jones and I don’t think there are enough bleached Metallica shirt wearing black bandanas out there willing to find out. What I do hope however, is that there are enough UFC fighters out there willing to give these violent rioters the whooping that their daddies never did until they go back to their college dorms. Until then, keep up the good fight Jon Jones – or lack thereof.
