Well, tomorrow, some of us will be dealing with our family during Thanksgiving Dinner. Whether it be in person, over Zoom, or a simple phone call, we all need to be ready. I will give you some solid B- advice for how to deal with your family, and avoid your dinner from turning out like this.
The Relationship Question: Pull a Manti Te’o
Everyone has that aunt/grandmother.
“So Jack, do you have a girlfriend?”
“No, and please stop asking.”
But that’s never enough. It’s always followed by a “why not?” or some life lesson they want to give about how eventually you’ll meet someone. Well, to avoid this in general and have a pleasant Thanksgiving Dinner, just pull a Manti Teo’o. What is a Manti Te’o you may ask? I’ll answer that in a bit. First, I want to explain why I want to avoid that question.
A few years back, I was dating this girl and she was great. Beautiful, funny, smart, and just my type. At least, I’m pretty sure. I had never actually met her in person. I met her online after she slid in my DMs. We’d spend all day texting and snapchatting and sending each other memes. Unfortunately, right before we were supposed to meet… she died. It was very tragic and I just don’t like talking about it…
That. That’s a Manti Te’o. There may be some follow up questions, but just say you didn’t want to mention her before you actually met, and then start getting emotional as they ask more questions. Unless your family hates you, they’ll feel bad and drop it. If they do hate you, they won’t care enough to ask.
Avoiding Politics Over Thanksgiving Dinner
When multiple generations come together, there are bound to be political disagreements. Thanksgiving Dinner is no difference, and there is an easy solution to this.
Problem solved. You’re great-grandfather doesn’t want to hear about how Trump is a fascist and needs to accept the results, just how you don’t want to hear about how Biden is a radical leftist and America’s mistreatment of Native Americans. Just stop, enjoy some turkey, and watch some football.
As bad as this can be, there is one more awkward Thanksgiving Dinner moment that could ruin Thanksgiving Dinner.
Your Parents Impending Divorce
Look, we’ve all been there. Parent’s relationship is on the rocks, they tried to stay together for the kids, they couldn’t take it anymore… ok, that hit too close to home for me. But how do you make it so this doesn’t ruin Thanksgiving dinner? Well, it comes in three easy steps.
Step one: Just Don’t Talk About It
I know, I know. Easier said than done. But, just don’t bring it up, and hope everyone else has the common decency not to either. But let’s say they do and won’t drop it?
Step Two: Call Whichever Parent Who’s at Fault a Dick and Move On
Bonus points if your with the parent-at-fault’s family. If neither are at fault, just say that. But, this is a showstopper that will 100% get any and all conversation dropped. But what’s step three then?
Step Three: Liquor Up
This could be the final step for all of these, but this one especially. Remember, you can’t get into an argument if you can’t form coherent sentences!
There you have it: how to survive your Thanksgiving Dinner! If you need some last second audibles, besure to follow me on Twitter! And if you’re just trying to avoid your family, check out some other great blogs over at Belly Up!
