Dear ESPN,
I thought we went over this once already. You guys are really blowing your shot at entertaining people. You truly are becoming the CNN fake news leaders for the sports world. It’s just unbearable to watch. Honestly, ESPN, how many fake stories can you come up with about the relationship between Tom Brady and Bill Belichick being torn apart? Not only that, but now you’re coming up with stupid stories and lies about Antonio Brown because he skipped some pointless team meetings. I mean Christ… the Pats lose one game against the AFC runner-ups and now all you can talk about is Bill and Tom are fighting and Tom wants a divorce. If Tom can make it through 10 years with Bill I don’t think he’ll ever get tired of him.
It’s a shame we have to sit down and talk about this all over again, ESPN. I thought after the first one, we came to an understanding. You guys need to report real sports. Don’t turn into negative Nelly, or the Lebron James Sports Network again. But here we are, three months later. You guys still let Sam Ponder work in your factory of lunatics, which shows you haven’t made any steps towards improvement.
ESPN, I truly cannot take this anymore, you’re breaking my heart. I have to watch four hours of eight different people give their pointless opinions about some guy who knows nothing about the Pats. He’s writing a book about a man who is so private he won’t even let Madden use his face, so I find it hard to believe that this guy can write anything that has any real quality information about Bill. Let alone parts about how Tom wants a divorce from Bill.
FNSN
So Fake News Sports Network, lets also address this Antonio Brown situation. Clearly you guys were all losers who never played a sport competitively nor drank in college. If you had, then you’d know that sometimes after a tough loss you wanna drink a little. One drink turns to five and all of a sudden in the morning you’re hungover. AB was also probably thinking, ‘Hey I’m the best god damned receiver in the league, I can miss a meeting for being a little hungover, its cool‘.
So maybe instead of overreacting next time and bringing in all these “experts” to give their bummy opinions, just say, ‘hey Antonio Brown missed meetings today‘. You guys treated it like it was DEFCON-1 or something. The man was being antagonized by some schmuck on twitter. He said AB was nothing without Big Ben, so he responded ‘trade me‘. He didn’t actually want to be traded from there. But you guys wouldn’t know that because, again, you should be working on trademarking the name FNSN.
So FNSN, please cut out the bull shit. This is getting ridiculous. I don’t know how many fake Patriots breakup stories I can take anymore. Its getting out of hand. Please just go back to reporting the sports news. Stop bringing in 100 different people to dissect what some idiot is writing in their shitty book. We know you guys can do better, we’ve seen it from you, but you guys are falling down a slippery slope and we, the sports fans of America, will not follow you down that slope. Do better, for our sake and yours.
Sincerely,
The Treasured Sports Fans of America
P.S – Please just get rid of Sam Ponder, she really really sucks at her job. We all know the only reason she was ever hired was because of Christian Ponder, and he isn’t even anywhere near the league anymore. You guys can find much hotter women that are a lot less dumb and don’t start so much shit within the company. Like have you guys read her tweets. Does she even know what the thinking process is??? You guys could just go fire 100 people and bring back Erin Andrews like you fired 100 people to hire Woj. Change has to start somewhere right? So why not let it start with her being fired? I don’t know, just a thought.
