The Oakland Raiders: Armpit of the NFL

The Oakland Raiders used to be one of the most revered franchises in the entire National Football League. Legends like John Madden, Ken Stabler, and George Blanda all protected the silver and black, and all did under the watch of bad boy Al Davis. The Autumn Wind sent chills down the spines of opponents throughout the 70s and 80s. Nobody wanted to play against the Raiders.

That is no longer the case.

Since the mid 2000s, the Oakland Raiders franchise has devolved into the laughingstock of the league. There are countless examples of gross mismanagement, draft day debacles, and the incredibly sad decline in the latter years of some of the best players in NFL history. Now, it’s even being shown as a complete circus on Hard Knocks. Exposing to the nation just exactly how rotten the situation has become. I’ll be showcasing a few of the biggest embarrassments that have come out of the cesspool that is the final year of the Raiders in Oakland.

A Helmet, Frostbite, & Radio Silence

It’s all happening right now. How in the world is it possible for all three of these things to happen all to one team? Because it’s the Raiders. Antonio Brown is single handedly holding Oakland hostage by throwing a tantrum about a helmet. He wants to wear an 11 year old helmet that has been deemed unsafe, and therefore uncertified by the NFL. To make this even more ridiculous, Brown is not only threatening to retire if he’s not allowed to use his outdated helmet, he has announced he will hold the league liable for any injury he sustains if “forced” to wear a newer, safer helmet. He stopped all communication with the team since August 9th, and only wanted to speak with officials and independent arbitrators. The Raiders have allowed their best player to literally go AWOL.

Oh, and to top this whole joke of a situation off, he has extreme frostbite on both of his feet. Who needs to read the manual for cryogenic boots? He’s Antonio Brown, he doesn’t need help. Tony Toe-Tap can just figure out how to play football without feet entirely, I guess. You know who helped make Madden when Antonio was on the cover? A game engine named Frostbite. Which now makes total sense. All that’s missing is him to buy a house next to Derek Carr. Who just bought a new house literally next door to Jon Gruden. Yes, really.

Draft Debacles and Blank Tapes

The Oakland Raiders have been absolutely abysmal at drafting. Sure, they drafted Josh Jacobs this year, and we will see if that actually amounts to anything at all. There are far more examples of insanely stupid decisions made by the front office. Exhibit A is possibly the worst decision in recent draft history. The Raiders decided to trade up in the 2005 draft. Kerry Collins was the starter, so Oakland was in the market certainly to select a quarterback. Aaron Rodgers was still available. The note card handed to the commissioner had to say the QB from Cal, right? With the 23rd pick in the 2005 NFL Draft, the Oakland Raiders select: Fabian Washington. Cornerback. Nebraska. The confusion was palpable, nobody thought Washington was a first round talent, let alone someone who the Raiders would trade up to go get, especially with their quarterback situation. Washington flopped miserably before being traded for a 4th round pick to the Baltimore Ravens. So, Rodgers wasn’t good enough to be picked there in Oakland’s estimation. There was a guy coming out in 2007 that would be even better than Aaron. Let’s fast forward.

The Raiders have the first overall pick in the 2007 draft. The choice is an absolute slam dunk. A can’t miss. Sure, they could get risky and make an aggressive play for some guy out of Georgia Tech named Calvin Johnson, but he played in a triple option offense, there’s no way he’ll pan out. They could bolster their inept offensive line with some farm boy out of Wisconsin named Joe Thomas, but offensive lineman are a dime a dozen. Same thing for running backs, so there’s no reason to draft Adrian Peterson or Marshawn Lynch. Heck, they wouldn’t consider going defense with some random linebacker named Patrick Willis.

The choice was clear, and it was JaMarcus Russell. He amassed a less than stellar statistical career. He finished with 18 touchdowns and 23 interceptions along with a QB rating of 65.2. During his time there, the coaches were worried he wasn’t actively trying to improve his game, and asked him if he was watching the films they gave him every week. So, in what seems like a tactic used for a high school player, they sent him home with tapes labeled “blitz packages” and waited for him to return. Once he did, they asked if he watched them. He of course said he did, I’m sure he decided to make up some cliche review. The tapes were blank. There was literally nothing on them. That’s what low the Raiders had reached.

There was probably a discussion in the front office after that. Oakland traditionally picked speedy players with high upside, why were they trying this hard to change what wasn’t broken? The next two drafts, they did exactly that. In 2008, they picked speedster Darren McFadden of Arkansas and in 2009 they shocked everyone by selecting Darrius Heyward-Bey out of Maryland. Both of whom did exactly what everyone thought they would do, be exceedingly average. (Ok, McFadden had one season of 1100 yards in 2010 when the Raiders went a perfectly average 8-8, so I’m not considering that a success) So there’s no way they could really draft any worse. Surely, they’ll hit on somebody in the next few drafts. Here’s what their first round picks were after that:

• 2010: Rolando McClain (traded after 3 seasons)
• 2011: No pick (Richard Seymour trade)
• 2012: No pick (Carson Palmer trade)
• 2013: DJ Hayden (3 INTs in 4 seasons)
• 2014: Khalil Mack (Traded to Bears for picks and Skittles for Marshawn)
• 2015: Amari Cooper (Traded to Cowboys)
• 2016: Karl Joseph (3 INTs entering 4th season; FA after 2019 season)
• 2017: Gareon Conley (Selected after Oakland administered a literal polygraph test)
• 2018: Kolton Miller (Allowed 6 total sacks in weeks 5 & 6 as starting LT)

Where Careers go to Die

For most players in the league today, they will take jobs wherever they can get them. The location doesn’t matter, and often times, a change of scenery helps a player and ultimately advances their career. It just seems like the Oakland Raiders have a knack for drawing athletes in at the end of their career arcs. They’re also amazing at sucking the life out of some of the best players of all time. Let’s just go over the notables for a while. Sit back and enjoy this amazing series of names that the Raiders chewed up and spit out. Some to retirement, some to other teams. All of them would say they hated their time there. Here we go: (IN SING-A-LONG FORMAT!)

Carson Palmer, Heyward-Bey, Culpepper didn't stay,
Randy Moss, Jerry Rice, could've traded for Marino.

Javon Walker did no fixin, Frye and Flynn for no reason,
Don't forget Marques Tuiasosopo. 

Desmond Howard, Larry Brown, Curtis Lofton came to town,
Aaron Brooks was somehow signed, LaMont Jordan enjoyed the ride.

Trent Richardson came and went, Ray Buchanan hasn't played since,
Richard Seymour, Ron Bartell, good lord this isn't going well!

Oakland is a dumpster fire,
Now it's always burning,
to Vegas they're sojourning.
Oakland is a dumpster fire,
Mark Davis didn't fight it,
now the fans will riot.  

Norv Turner, Lane Kiffin, Dennis Allen, Hue Jackson,
Sean Smith, DeAngelo Hall, they cut and fired them all.

Jon Ritchie didn't do, neither did Maurice Jones-Drew,
Justin Fargas, Taiwan Jones, somehow even Roy Helu.

Cade McNown, Josh McCown, Terrell Pryor all went down,
Kyle Boller didn't win, next up Nathan Peterman! 

Bruce Gradkowski, Michael Bush, Tyrone Wheatley even had a push,
Jon Gruden won't go away, 10 years he's here to stay. 


Oakland is a dumpster fire,
Now it's always burning,
to Vegas they're sojourning.
Oakland is a dumpster fire,
Mark Davis didn't fight it,
now the fans will riot.   





 

Thanks as always for reading everyone! Feel free to add on to the song if you can think of other failed players or if you just want to flame me for being a Chiefs fan. I’m always open for discussion, so follow me on Twitter and read some other articles from the awesome people here at Belly Up!

Nick Rellihan (@Rellihan51)