Disclaimer: This is my individual story, everyone is different, everyone deals with mental health issues in different ways. I am telling part of my story because mental health issues, like depression and suicidal thoughts, should not be taboo and should not be belittled and looked down on. It should also be known that I did go to counseling during college, which did help immensley.
I have been a fan of wrestling since 1986, and I am now 38. And I can honestly say if it wasn’t for the WW(F)E in the early 2000’s I would most likely not be writing this.
A little backstory:
This was the first time that I had traveled far from home for a long period of time, and it was to go to college. In my first year, I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression. At first, my doctor thought it was homesickness, due to me going to college on the other side of the state. However, after a small chat, she realized it was more serious than that. My doctor then decided to prescribe medication and sent back to school.
Possible Trigger Warnings
I spent my first year just barely making it through. It was extremely hard because I didn’t really know how to make friends. The girls on my floor spent more time talking about frat parties and boys that I constantly felt like an outsider. I was also coming out as well, so it made things a lot harder. One night, I was in my room, and it was a really bad day, my head was all over the place. I walked over to my desk and pulled out a bottle of ibuprofen, and dumped the contents on my bed. I stared at the pills and thought, all I had to do was take them all and fall asleep. No one would even know until it was too late.
I got everything arranged, wrote a note, got into my PJs and got into bed. I turned on the TV because I just wanted something to drown out the noise of the world, and there was Monday Night RAW. To this day, I honestly can’t remember the whole story-lines going on, but I just remember the Hardy Boyz being on the screen.
Lifting these Sorrows
I looked at the pills in my hand and shook my head. At this point, I decided to put them back in the bottle. For a few moments, I was able to forget the noise in my head. The one thing that helped, was wrestling, ie WWE. When I watched RAW or SmackDown, I felt okay. I was strangely happy because I had good memories of watching wrestling with my Mom-Mom.
On this Day, I see clearly
The wrestlers all seemed to be to help alleviate the negativity in my life, but it was the Hardy Boyz and Lita that I gravitated to the most. I felt like I had found people that represented me to a degree on TV. Three people that didn’t fit any molds, were their own people. It was refreshing. It honestly helped me be more comfortable with being me, and coming out. WW(F)E helped me so much. I became invested in the story lines. I found friends and went to my first live RAW at Penn State University, which was when they had the first draft.
It wasn’t the only reason I started to believe that I didn’t have to end it all, but it helped, especially with building friendships online and at college. But when things got bad, I was able to think, oh I can forget the bad for awhile watching RAW or SmackDown or Velocity or Sunday Night Heat. All that helped me focus on something other than the bad thoughts and feelings.
A Chance to Feel Alive
Now, I am telling my story, a watered-down version because there is a lot more to it, but I am not looking for sympathy. The reason is people need to know that I am not ashamed that I had these thoughts. I am not ashamed that I have mental health issues. And that no one should be ashamed that they have mental health issues as well. This is to allow people to know they are not alone, that there are ways to help. There is no right way, you just find your way to fix things for yourself.
Advocating for those who can’t
Lately, I have been seeing people say how wrestling saved their lives, how WWE saved their lives. There are also mental health advocates within the WWE. Mauro Ranallo speaks out about his battles with Bipolar Disorder. He truly has braved a daunting path. Lacey Evans talks about her struggles through her youth. Even the Sasha Banks Chronicle was heartbreaking and eye-opening with her losing her passion and she felt as if she was drowning and not caring about having a match at WrestleMania.
Mental health issues are real and should not be taboo. They should not be looked down on as they are. They should not be a joke, and depression, suicidal thoughts, self-harm are not the punchlines. The people who suffer should not be treated like they are different, that they are somehow wrong.
For those who are lost and need a helping hand:
Just know you are not alone. It doesn’t matter if you are a wrestling fan, or not. Fandoms are an amazing thing. You make friends from around the globe. Maybe you meet at a show or convention, or maybe you never meet at all, you are never alone.
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
