I should be dead.
You see, I live for the NCAA Basketball Tournament. And last week it got cancelled. Yet I’m still alive. How?
Because the Tournament is on! Yup, to quote Vince Vaughn from Swingers, “Oh, it’s on!”
Well, not the actual NCAA Basketball Tournament. But thanks to BellyUpSports, CollegeInsider, JustCollegeBasketball, Pod617, Streaker Sports, @ASAP_SportsNews, and the folks at CollegeHoopsHumor (and by “folks” I mean me) there will be a basketball tournament. We are all sponsoring a full-fledged field of 64 tournaments to crown the Best Basketball Movie of all time. So all together now, “It’s so on!”
Uh Dave, that’s not quite the same as the NCAA Basketball Tournament.
Well, we are giving you basketball. And we’re giving you a bracket. What the hell is ESPN giving you? Non-stop Tom Brady talk interrupted by old Duke games.
In fact, I’d argue this is even better than the NCAA Basketball Tournament. First, this tournament comes with jokes. And some might be funny. Here’s one that the Twitter world seemed to enjoy:
“It looks like they are canceling the NCAA Tournament. On the positive side, it looks like I’ll have a perfect bracket.”
This version of the NCAA Basketball Tournament will also be better given that we’ve eliminated something unnecessary – the NCAA. Yes, this tournament will be 100% free of hypocrisy. And it will be free of cost. The admission to this tournament is FREE!
Yes, that’s right, I’m not making a dime. Yes, that’s right, I actually spent my own time finding 63 different basketball movies not named Hoosiers. Yes, that’s right, I actually spent my own time seeding all 64 of those movies. And yes, that’s right, I have a lot of time on my hands. That’ll happen when you decide to forge a career writing humor articles about college basketball months before college basketball ceases to exist.
So yeah, I have extra time. What I clearly don’t have is timing.
But all you need to do is fill out the attached bracket. Then vote via the poll which will be on Twitter @collhoopshumor starting the evening of Thursday, 3/19. To be clear this voting does not require you to leave the house or use even a drop of Purell. Nor will anyone shove an “I Voted” sticker on your chest.
Uh Dave, what if we haven’t seen some of these movies?
Here’s a suggestion- watch them. That’s kind of the point. Or just vote against them. That would seem to be consistent with the trend in America – dislike what we don’t know.
But Dave, what if we don’t agree with the seedings or we think some movies should have been included?
Then that’s perfect. You’ll have yet another reason why this is like the NCAA Tournament. Nobody agrees with the seedings or selections. Their selection committee is filled with idiots just like ours. Wait a minute …
Personally, I’m torn between two movies: (1) Fastbreak: the best movie to co-star Gabe Kaplan and Bernard King, and (2) The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh: the best movie to mention my beloved St. Bonaventure Bonnies.
The real challenge, however, may be what to do with Slam Dunk Ernest. Not how far to put it in the bracket, but actually making it through that whole movie.
Well Dave, what’s the point?
After you make your picks you can compare them to everyone else and learn how wrong everyone else is. Much like any election, when it’s done you can sit back and think, “God this country is filled with idiots.”
Honestly, I realize that some people will think this Best Basketball Movie Tournament is stupid. But here’s the thing- other people find basketball stupid. The difference between fun and stupid is often merely perspective. You either buy-in or not. And I’m all in with the Best Basketball Movie Tournament. For everyone else who is buying in, I have another Swingers quote. “You’re money.”
A Bit About The Sponsors:
Streaker Sports – “The Purveyor Of Sports Culture.” Looking for Bill Raftery’s “Onions!” shirt – they are the ones who have it. Looking for shirts from defunct sports leagues, Miracle On Ice garb, Caddyshack stuff, or any other gear that nobody else is bringing to the table – they are the ones who have it.
BellyUpSports – In a nutshell, they are the Internet’s sports bar. Articles, podcasts, and forums on all things sports. Motto: “We are what they aren’t.”
JustCollegeBasketball : The name should sum it up. If you are looking for info on two-man luge, you are in the wrong place.
CollegeHoopsHumor : Jokes as well as hopefully humorous articles and videos crafted by the above-mentioned Dave Barend. Twitter’s number one college hoops humor site, at least until a second one is created.
@ASAP_SportsNews – Where over 83,400 sports fans on Twitter go for sports news. If you’re not following, are you really a sports fan?
CollegeInsider – Nobody knows more about Mid-Majors than the folks at CollegeInsider. In fact, you can learn more about Mid-Majors in a 30-minute conversation with Joe Dwyer or Angela Lento than 30 straight days of watching SportsCenter.
Pod617– The best podcast network in all of New England, whose clients include the immensely popular Boston Podcast. Home of a state of the art recording studio, industry quality production, as well as its tireless and talented founder, David Yas.
