Wrestlemania Rewatch with a Beer: Wrestlemania II

As I’ve said before, the nostalgia of old-school wrestling is something I love. While I sit and wait for baseball season to start, these Wrestlemania rewatches (part 1 here) have become my diversion away from dealing with real-world issues. To some, the idea of these cartoonish gladiators pretend fighting in a ring to an already set outcome might be childish. Sure, it’s not the most adult thing out there, especially with the roster of gimmicks back then. And yes, I could put my big boy pants on and watch the news. Yet is hearing about the mean orange man taking on the senile old man really much more different? Minus the tights, it’s basically just as theatrical as pro-wrestling. Not to mention, half the country thinks the election is just as predetermined as the main event of Wrestlemania. So I’d prefer to watch my fiction in a somewhat more enjoyable manner. And to do that, I’ll continue down my Wrestlemania rewatch journey. With a beer, of course.

Beer of Choice

When I thought of drinking beers and rewatching Wrestlemania, I found a beer that was modeled after Hulkamania. So of course I thought finding a beer that could be tied into each iteration would be a breeze moving forward. I was wrong. Very, immediately, unquestionably wrong. Yet I’m still going to stick with that idea. So for Wrestlemania II, with a steel cage main event, I chose to drink a Steel Reserve. This whole idea is based in nostalgia anyway, so might as well have a beer that brings back college memories.

I haven’t had one of these in maybe 13 years, so I had absolutely no idea what to expect with that first sip. Honestly, on nights when I was drinking these I barely remember anything anyway, so my brain really doesn’t even have a semblance of an idea of what one tastes like in general. Since this was basically a new experience for me, I actually was pretty impressed. I was expecting it to taste like a Bud Light you opened and left outside on a Summer Monday and decided to drink the following Friday. Instead, it actually tastes like a beer I’ll gladly chug if I only have one minute to get a buzz on. 4.6 based on no actual ranking system.

Wrestlemania II

With the success of the inaugural Wrestlemania, Vince McMahon saw a money cow he knew he needed to milk. The first had celebrities showing up and helping push the event mainstream, setting the bar for the Wrestlemania celebrity standard. This time, McMahon would make sure to have not only more celebrities, but he’d also have more locations. Was this McMahons wrestling foresight and genius, thinking this grand of a stage called for multiple live audiences and arenas? Perhaps. Or perhaps (and more likely) it was just a response to rival NWA promotions Starrcade 1985, held at two locations on the same night. Two locations would be paltry compared to Wrestlemania 2, taking place in 3, THREE, different cities. And so we begin where the first one left off, in New York (this time Long Island), miles away from the events of the year before.

New York

We start with Vince McMahon and Susan Saint James as our commentators from Long Island. I googled her and turns out Susan Saint James only sounds like a porn star name. She was just an actress. She’d be the start of the endless celebrity parade that this Wrestlemania would really try to rely on.

America The Beautiful: Ray Charles

Taking a huge risk this year, Vince McMahon chose not to have Mean Gene Okerlund reprise his rendition of the national anthem. While his off-key, card reading version was missed, we instead were treated to Ray Charles singing to start the event. Right away this year appears to have some semblance of planning. During the song, a montage of images representing America fades over Ray. Mountains, waves, military, farmers, the white house, the Liberty Bell, and the Statue of Liberty, etc. Of course, they saved the most American image one can think of to end it, Hulk Hogan himself pointing up to the American flag. If Ronald Reagan was watching that night, he had a smile on his face. And if Ray Charles went back and watched his performance, well, he couldn’t see any of those things.

First Interview: “Rowdy” Roddy Piper

We start in Chicago with Mean Gene, clearly holding back tears from not being asked to sing. He introduces Piper who is in the locker room, with Cowboy Bob Orton still in his corner from Wrestlemania 1. Always a great trash talker, he begins this time by calling out Mr. T, who this year he will go one-on-one with. Except now instead of wrestling, it will be boxing. Piper, ever the showman, is so convinced of his boxing skills that he claims he’ll give up tiddlywinks and dating women if he loses. Not sure if the first was a euphemism, but either way it’s a big blow for women.

Wrestlemania Rewatch Match 1: Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndoff vs. “The Magnificent” Muraco w/Mr. Fuji

I’m not sure what the build-up to this match was, but Orndoff, who main-evented the inaugural event, is now the opening act. He’s also a face (fan favorite), and Muraco, an Italian, has Mr. Fuji, an Asian, as his manager. Now you’re probably saying their ethnicities aren’t important, but don’t cancel me just yet. Before the bell rings, McMahon says we’re going to hear what each had to say about the other. Rather than the usual cut to backstage interview, we get audio of each playing over as the match starts. The sound bites are typical cookie-cutter taunting, and the match itself plays out just as conventional.

There’s one moment though where Orndoff would make a slanty-eyed gesture to Fuji and then an Italian salute to Monaco. For some reason, WWE Network decided to edit this out. A shame, because the match ended in a double countout and is a pretty forgettable mess otherwise. Even McMahon and the ring announcer, Howard Finkle, were left trying to figure out what they just witnessed. McMahon had no idea the match had ended, even after the bell rang, saying Orndoff might get disqualified. Finkle stood in the ring looking like he had no idea what to say, possibly a callback to Mean Gene singing the National Anthem the year before.

Winner- Nobody- Double count out

Second Interview: Mr. T.

While Finkel continues trying to figure out what happened in that first match, we get a nice 80’s graphic cut to Mr. T. He’s in the back with Joe Frazier and a midget, who is sporting his same hairstyle. While this may have seemed out of place at the time, it may have possibly laid the groundwork for Doink and Dink in the 1990s.

Wrestlemania Rewatch Match 2: Intercontinental Championship: George “The Animal” Steele vs. Macho Man Randy Savage (C) w/Miss Elizabeth

George the Animal Steele doesn’t get an entrance, instead starting in the ring with a shirt on. He’d eventually take that shirt off to reveal the one he wears underneath. We also cut to a promo from Macho Man talking about Steele, with video this time. As Macho Man’s graduation theme music hits, he enters with Miss Elizabeth. This prompts McMahon’s announcing partner Susan Saint James to speak for, I think, the first time all night. Basically, she just talks about how awful Macho Man is to Miss Elizabeth, how she should leave him, yadda yadda. This would last throughout the match, along with McMahon constantly referencing George Steele’s body hair an exorbitant amount of times.

The match consisted mainly of George The Animal doing what he does, biting turnbuckles and Macho Man, along with chasing Miss Elizabeth himself. Susan Saint James had no issue with this, for some reason. Macho Man would win by putting his feet on the ropes during the pin, keeping the belt. Prior to that, George Steele did kick out of a flying elbow, which is not something you’d see often. Unfortunately, this didn’t impress Miss Elizabeth as much as Savage’s obscenely oiled-up body.

Winner- Macho Man Randy Savage

Interview 3: “Big” John Studd and Bill Fralic

Unlike the two prior interviews, this one was conducted by Mean Gene himself. Fralic, an NFL player, and Studd were about to take part in a 20-man battle royale that night. Nothing special, just a little nip to get fans excited.

Wrestlemania Rewatch Match 3: George Wells vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts

If you’re wondering who George Wells is, you’re not alone. A quick Google search shows that that 100% makes sense. This match was about Jake The Snake, who was actually a lot more athletic than I’d remembered. The obvious heel, this was Jake’s big debut, coming out with his snake Damien and using a DDT to win the match. After, he’d force his snake on Wells (not a euphemism) which would actually “cause” Wells to foam at the mouth. This moment would be the foundation for Jake The Snake’s career.

Winner- Jake The Snake Roberts

Interview 4: Hulk Hogan

We go to Los Angeles to see Jesse “The Body” Ventura interviewing world champion Hulk Hogan. They heavily emphasize that Hulk’s ribs are hurt, and then Hogan endorses his buddy Mr. T.

Celebrity Announcements

Howard Finkel introduces Joan Rivers as guest ring announcer, who is “thrilled to be at Wrestlemania 2”, yet shows no actual emotion. This may have been due to the amount of plastic surgeries she’d already begun to have. She then introduces the guest judges for the boxing match: Darryl Dawkins, Cab Calloway, and G. Gordon Liddy. Last but not least, the guest timekeeper: Herb. No idea who Herb is, but he did do a lively little dance reminiscent of Liberace the year before.

Wrestlemania Rewatch Match 4: Boxing Match: “Rowdy” Roddy Piper w/Cowboy Bob Orton vs. Mr. T. w/Joe Frazier

Joan Rivers continues her announcing duties, immediately mispronouncing “Ace Cowboy” Bob Orton as “Ace Comedy Funnyman Bob Orvan.” That would pretty much set the tone for this match. Round 1 would be Piper throwing nonstop haymakers and Mr. T throwing jabs, as well as the ref breaking them up repeatedly. In Round 2, it’d be a lot of the same, but Mr. T. would actually go down. For round 3 we’d see Mr. T. literally beat Piper down while in the corner and then knock him right out of the ring.

By the beginning of round 4, we’d learn that neither man was really a good boxer. This is shocking because, while not actually a boxer, Mr. T. did play one in a movie once. That’s almost the same. Round 4 starts with each taking free shots at the other. Eventually, it turns into a slow-winded slobber knocker. With regret taking over at agreeing to this, Piper finally ends it, disqualifying himself by body slamming Mr. T. The two then just sulk out of the ring and head to the back, with WWF not making this boxing mistake for another 13 years.

Winner- Mr. T.

Chicago

We leave New York to now head to the second city, Chicago (see what I did there?). Gorilla Monsoon’s voice is a comforting change, as he talks to Mean Gene about the upcoming matches. Cathy Lee Crosby is then introduced as the second announcer because we need more celebrity guests.

Wrestlemania Rewatch Match 5: Women’s Championship: Velvet Mcintyre vs. Fabulous Moolah (C)

For anyone who wants to watch their old racist grandmother wrestle someone you’ve never heard of, this is for you. Moolah wins in about ten seconds, retaining her title that she somehow just won back. Obviously, her backseat to anyone else from the year before wouldn’t have lasted that long. She’d get her victory and then head to the back to berate and pimp slap any woman with a pulse.

Winner- Fabulous Moolah

Wrestlemania Rewatch Match 6: Flag Match: Nikolai Volkoff w. Freddie Blassie vs. Corporal Kirchner

Nikolai Volkoff would demand to sing the Russian national anthem before this match. This was a little after Stallone cooled the discord between the U.S. and Russia in Rocky 4, but tensions were still high nonetheless. The match ended pretty quickly, as Kirchner intercepted Blassies cane as he threw it to Volkoff. Not sure why they chose to have the U.S. cheat to win this match, Reagan stopped smiling when he saw this. Ray Charles, once again, didn’t see it.

Winner- Corporal Kirchner

Celebrity Announcements

Mean Gene would come out to announce the best celebrity of the event: Wendys’ “Where’s The Beef?” lady as guest timekeeper. Dick Butkus and Ed “Too Tall” Jones would also be special referees.

Wrestlemania Rewatch Match 7: 20 Man Battle Royal

This match was a mix of NFL players and wrestlers, all introduced one by one:

1. Jimbo Covert
2. Pedro Morales
3. Tony Atlas
4. Ted Arcidi
5. Harvey Martin
6. Dan Spivey
7. Hillbilly Jim
8. King Tonga
9. Iron Shiek
10. Ernie Holmes
11. B. Brian Blaire
12. Jim Brunzell
13. Big John Studd
14. Bill Fralic
15. Bret Hart
16. Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart
17. Russ Francis
18. Bruno Sammartino
19. William “The Refrigerator” Perry
20. Andre The Giant

The match started with them all in the ring at once, which is cool to see at first. Eventually, you just become overstimulated and have no idea where to look. Andre and Studd going at it was fun. The Fridge being introduced was the biggest pop from the crowd (obviously). Bruno Sammartino being there, after his son almost ruined his legacy the year before, was a nice touch. The novelty of having NFL players really wasn’t necessary, as it would be better to watch all these years later and see more wrestling legends. Of course, they’d really made sure to pack the celebs into this event, as evident from Wendys’ Where’s the Beef lady being there.

In the end, Andre would win, eliminating both members of the Hart Foundation. It was clear at this point his body was giving up on him, but he still showed a lot of wrestling ability and was more than just the giant presence he would go on to become.

Winner- Andre The Giant

Interview 5: Jimbo Covert, The Iron Shiek

Jimbo, a former Super Bowl champ, talks about how he got cheated in the battle royale. The Iron Shiek would then follow up and speak gibberish, before flexing. I think they just needed to kill some time with this one.

Wrestlemania Rewatch Match 8: Tag Team Championship Match: The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and Dynamite Kid) w/Captain Lou and Ozzie Osbourne vs. The Dream Team (Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake) (C)

I have no idea why Ozzie Osbourne was here. Honestly, I don’t think Ozzie did either. I truly believe he was just so high and wandered into the arena and somehow made it to the ring. He was carrying a microphone but he said nothing, so all signs point to it wasn’t even turned on. Overall, this was probably the most pure wrestling match of the night. Typical back and forth during the match, with solid wrestling maneuvers from them all. The crowd seemed very into it too, more so than the battle royal.

They did cut to Ozzie watching a few times, very intensely. I do want to know what the hell he was seeing, because no way in hell did he realize he was watching wrestling. The amount of drugs in his system that night was more than all the steroids in those wrestlers. Combined. The Bulldogs would go on to win, yet the first two to hold the belts were Captain Lou and Ozzie. Ozzie even was interviewed, screaming “Bulldogs Forever!” No idea what he thought Bulldogs meant at that moment, but I hope the high he had that night is one he’ll forget forever.

Winner- The British Bulldogs

Los Angeles

We now turn to LA, for the final stop of this three-city event. Jesse Ventura is joined by “Lord” Alfred Hayes and Elvira. I have no idea who those female celebrity announcers were in the first two cities, but Elvira even my adolescent self knew. Because I was big into B horror movies. Pervs.

Wrestlemania Rewatch Match 9: Hercules Hernandez vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat

Hernandez attacks Steamboat before the bell rings. After that, Steamboat was just flying around the ring. There’d be some back and forth, Hernandez overpowering him a few times and taking control. Much like that tag team match, it was good, pure wrestling. The crowd looked like it hadn’t filled up yet, so it was tough to gauge their reactions fully. Steamboat does win in the end, and the crowd seems to come alive.

Winner- Ricky Steamboat

Wrestlemania Rewatch Match 10: “The Adorable” Adrian Adonis w/Jimmy Hart vs. Uncle Elmer

This was about as much of a gimmick match as there could be. Not sure what was happening here, but Uncle Elmer is the living version of Stinky Pete from Toy Story 2. Adonis moved very well for a larger man, though he did tend to oversell quite a bit. Or maybe that was just flamboyance, I can’t be sure. He did eventually win, after some of the slowest moves I’ve ever witnessed.

Winner- Adrian Adonis

Interview 7: Hulk Hogan

This time with Alfred Hayes asking the questions, we got another Hulkadrenaline-fueled interview that further reiterated his ribs were hurt.

Wrestlemania Rewatch Match 11: The Funk Brothers (Terry and Hoss Funk) w/Jimmy Hart vs. Tito Santana and The Junkyard Dog

Another match where I’m not sure what led up to this, it didn’t seem like there was much of a storyline for it. The audio clips of wrestlers explaining their hatred for one another seemed to only happen during the first match. Now we’re just getting basic good guy/bad guy matches. It works here, as people love JYD. Yet the entire event seemed to shift once they left New York, as the matches no longer had a backstory. It’s still a good match, with Santana flying around the ring and JYD doing some crowd work with body slams. In the end, we got a classic heel finish, as Terry Funk used Hart’s megaphone to hit JYD and pin him.

Winner- The Funk Brothers

Side note- Funk makes a pretty sweet basket catch on the megaphone

Prematch Review

We get a recap of what led to this main event. It starts with Hulk Hogan lifting weights in front of Hillybilly Jim and some random guy in khaki pants. No words are said between them. No context is given either. As someone who doesn’t go to the gym much (ever), even I know this dude in khakis is out of place here. Then we see King Kong Bundy just treating Hogan like a ragdoll in a previous event. Mean Gene interviews Khaki guy- turns out it’s Hogan’s doctor. We’re told more information about how bad Hogan’s ribs are. If you haven’t heard by now, Hogan’s ribs are messed up. Hogan then does some chin-ups with a dumbbell around his neck, all while Hillbilly Jim keeps touching his ribs for support, without one wince on Hulk’s part.

Interview- King Kong Bundy and Bobby the Brain Heenan

We have Jesse Ventura talking to the two right before the match, with Bundy making threats to send Hogan to the hospital again. Bobby’s a little more tame during this than usual.

Celebrity Announcements

Our guest ring announcer is Tommy Lasorda, who I love, but I don’t think anyone at WWF heard him speak before booking him. He goes on to announce Ricky Shroder as guest timekeeper and Robert Conrad as guest referee. Like all the other celebrities (aside from Ozzie), they just stand there. Compelling.

Wrestlemania Rewatch Match 12: Steel Cage Match for World Heavyweight Championship: King Kong Bundy w/Bobby the Brain Heenan vs. Hulk Hogan (C)

Bundy comes out with no music, but at least he makes an entrance. We’re slowly moving away from wrestlers just starting out standing in the ring. Hulkamania is clearly in full force at this time as Real American hits and we get a classic 80’s Hogan entrance. He climbs the cage to enter, tearing his shirt from the top to reveal bandages to his

*checks notes*

ribs. His ribs were hurt, apparently. Hogan controls the match from the start, throwing rights and choking Bundy with his own tights. Bundy eventually gets the upper hand, slamming Hogan and kicking those ribs. He eventually pulls the bandages off Hogan’s ribs, but not for nothing, I doubt that thin fabric was doing much to protect his ribs when he’s being kicked relentlessly there by a behemoth.

Luckily I’m not a doctor though, because, by some medical miracle, Hogan’s ribs are cured mid-match. He gives us a classic Hulk-up after being slammed by Bundy in the turnbuckle, then proceeds to climb the cage and win the match. Overall, the match felt a little underwhelming. Hogan beating up Heenan in the cage afterward was a nice touch, however. We’re of course treated to the Hogan victory poses that would continue at Wrestlemania for years to come.

Side note- Can we bring this cage back? I get that we’ve had innovations in wrestling cages, like hell in a cell and elimination chamber, but there’s something romantic about the classic blue cage.

Winner- Hulk Hogan

Final Thoughts

While this year took a chance being held simultaneously at 3 different locations, that almost seemed like a minor footnote in the night. Monday morning QBing an event from 39 years ago is not going to change much. So while the choice didn’t hurt the overall rewatch, it didn’t exactly do much to help it either. The card itself was nothing to remember, aside from some moments here and there (and Jake the Snake’s debut). Macho Man would go on to have much better Wrestlemania matches, Hogan would go on to pose roughly 10,486 more times, and Ozzie Osbourne would forget just as many drug-fueled nights as Hogan would pose. So overall, not the best. Still, a fun rewatch, but come back for Wrestlemania III rewatch, which contains one of the most legendary moments in Wrestling history.

Thanks for reading about another Wrestlemania rewatch! For more sports content, visit Belly Up Sports and follow me on X, @RyanCapalbo, and feel free to send me beer recommendations!