Urban Meyer has said his coaching days are behind him, telling the Columbus Dispatch, “It’s going to be TV and grandfather.” After an illustrious career with an .854 win percentage, three national titles, and putting countless great players into the NFL, Urban has more than put his mark on the college game and has earned his retirement.
A Gator Legend
After going 0-3 in bowl games since Steve Spurrier jumped ship to the NFL, the Gators needed a spark. Even with Ron Zook’s moderate success, Florida never amassed more than eight wins and lost six games at home. Meyer immediately came in and got results, going 9-3 his first year before a 13-1 2006 season culminating in a National Championship win. After more winning seasons, and a 2008 National Championship, the NCAA started catching up to old Urb tragedy struck. After a hospital stay, Urban discovered a litany of health issues, and left coaching for good after the 2010 season to spend time with his family.
A Buckeye Great
After 11 months of retirement, Urban realized his family sucked and he needed to spend 70 hours a week in the office to avoid them. Luckily, the Ohio State Buckeyes came calling, and Urban did what he knew best: commit NCAA violations win. While not quite as down on their luck as Florida was, The Ohio State was still looking for its first National Championship in almost a decade, and Urban delivered. After seven consecutive seasons with 11 or more wins (and at least one Title IX violation), Urban decided it was time to ride off into the sunset and spend time with his family after the 2018 season.
A Jaguar Shitshow
This time, it took Urban almost three years to remember he would rather risk his heart exploding than spend ten minutes with his family, and the morally bankrupt Jaguars came knocking. Unfortunately, the most noteworthy stories from Urban’s tenure involved kicking Josh Lambo and cheating on his wife. This time, however, Urban didn’t go out on his own terms, as Jacksonville fired him after going 2-11.
The End of an Era
Urban’s time as a coach has come to an end. After many ups, it all ended as most things in Florida do: with a local putting his dick somewhere it shouldn’t be. I’d say we’ll miss you Urban, but let’s be honest:
Did you notice a pattern when it comes to Urban Meyer’s coaching stops? Here’s a quick chart to help you out:
There is no shot in hell “the book is closed” on Urban Meyer coaching again. He’s just waiting on a team desperate enough to pay him.
Featured image photo credits: Andy Lyons/Getty Images
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