After a short holiday break, the world famous Bang Radio Hour Picks n Predicts are back to close out the regular season. It is unfortunate that the Christmas holiday cramped up our schedule, because last week’s predictions were not only 100% accurate, but was named one of the top 5 Predictions articles for 2019 by the prestigious Association of People Who Give A Shit About That Sort Of Thing.
As always, the Bang Radio Hour podcast is the planet’s premier NFL comedy podcast, currently in it’s 14th successful season. Subscribing to the Bang Radio Hour can lead to a richer, more fulfilling life. Or not, that part is really up to you. Let’s just say that if you listen to the podcast, you’ll probably enjoy it.
| Miami Dolphins at Buffalo Bills Tensions rise along the border after Adam Gase tries to avoid being fired by the Dolphins by skipping across the border to Canada and requesting asylum with the Toronto Argonauts. Bills 24 | Dolphins 23 |
Detroit Lions at Green Bay Packers
In a fine display of post-game sportsmanship, Lions QB Matt Stafford gives Packers QB Aaron Rodgers his top ten list of favorite things to do when missing the playoffs.
Packers 36 | Lions 24
Jacksonville Jaguars at Houston Texans
Former first round pick quarterback Blake Bortles’ Jaguars career comes to a quiet end after coaches decide to start a recently activated bag of burning garbage in his place.
Texans | 23 | Jaguars 10
Oakland Raiders at Kansas City Chiefs
Known for sitting players before the playoffs, Andy Reid admits he has been resting his defense since 2015.
Chiefs 28 | Raiders 24
Chicago Bears at Minnesota Vikings
After a tough loss in the final weekend to a division rival knocks his team out of the playoffs, Vikings QB and freshly opened jar of Miracle Whip Kirk Cousins accepts responsibility and shows the leadership that is earned through years of experience with tough losses in the final weekend to a division rival that knocks his team out of the playoffs.
Bears 26 | Vikings 24
Carolina Panthers at New Orleans Saints
Stadium video boards repeat the words Do Not Disturb and ushers walk the crowd shushing people as the Saints take advantage of their #1 seed by resting players in newly constructed sideline bunk beds. Panthers cooperate and go quietly.
Saints 34 | Panthers 16
New York Jets at New England Patriots
Claiming losses of irreplaceable memories, lawsuits are threatened by the heartbroken Jets after the NFL claims no responsibility when torrential December rains flood the AFC East basement.
Patriots 27 | Jets 14
Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants
With the Cowboys resting starters before the playoffs, younger players are thankful for the opportunity to practice sacking Eli Manning. Giants beat the backups.
Giants 30 | Cowboys 21
Cincinnati Bengals at Pittsburgh Steelers
In a desperate attempt to give themselves any chance to win, the Bengals replace their defense with a sternly worded letter suggesting the Steelers curtail their offensive activity or face possible attempts at tackling.
Steelers 36 | Bengals 12
Cleveland Browns at Baltimore Ravens
Cleveland area psychiatrists overwhelmed with holiday surge of people conflicted between wanting the Browns to have a winning season or wanting to fuck the Steelers out of the playoffs. The Ravens help with the answer.
Ravens 28 | Browns 26
Atlanta Falcons at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Fear of new step-dad giving them a gift of tickets to Sunday’s Buccaneers game named top Holiday stresser by Tampa / St. Pete area children.
Falcons 37 | Buccaneers 17
Philadelphia Eagles at Washington Redskins
In latest botched effort to connect with fans, Redskins GM Bruce Allen spends the final game of the season walking through the stands and personally punching every attending fan in the stomach.
Eagles 36 | Redskins 10
Los Angeles Chargers at Denver Broncos
Hoping to help the Broncos sputtering offense score a touchdown in final game of the season, Mile High grounds crew paints the end zone to look like the 40 yard line.
Chargers 28 | Broncos 17
Arizona Cardinals at Seattle Seahawks
In a touching ceremony following the game, Cardinals players are presented with certificates of completion and a small trophy commemorating their participation in the 2018 NFL season.
Seahawks 31 | Cardinals 14
San Francisco 49ers at Los Angeles Rams
Delighting fans worldwide, TMZ reports that footage of Rams all-world defensive tackle Aaron Donald destroying 49ers backfield to be used in next big-budget Godzilla film.
Rams 35 | 49ers 20
Indianapolis Colts at Tennessee Titans
In a quiet ceremony, NFL schedule makers were recognized for their thoughtfulness of scheduling a “Lose and go home” game for the Titans at home.
Colts 30 | Titans 23
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