The other night while playing 2K, I had a ridiculous idea: “If I had to put together this nation’s presidents to form a competitive starting five, who would make the cut?” Well, buckle up, because you’re in for a treat, and you might even learn a few things along the way.
Coach
Every great team needs a great coach, and there is no greater leader than George Washington. Leading a rag tag group of rebels against the greatest military the world had seen to victory is no small feat. This shows his ability to lead a group, and his tactical prowess. After this, he followed it up by becoming our nation’s first president. In 1792, America had its first financial crisis, and Washington led the country through that. He is no stranger to dealing with egos, having to try and calm the feuding Thomas Jefferson and Alexander Hamilton. After all of this, Washington knew when to step away from the game, as after two terms, he retired. This gave us the idea for our current two term limit, and shows he did not have a huge ego, needed to coach this team.
PG: #44 Barack Obama
Did you think any list relating to basketball and president’s would not include Barack Obama? Barack Obama played on the varsity team at Punahou High School. While mostly on the bench, that team did win the 1979 state championship. Being such an avid basketball fan, Barack could be a floor general. Using his knowledge of the game he loves, he could find the open man and see the court better than anyone else I could put on this list.
SG: #26 Teddy Roosevelt
There is no doubt in my mind that the Hero of San Juan Hill would be an excellent addition to this squad. An avid outdoorsman for most of his life, Teddy took his physical health very importantly. In addition to this, he was a skilled hunter and military man. These two facts make me believe he could pick up the 3 relatively easily with practice. The real reason I want him on my team is his toughness. In 1912, Teddy was shot, and after passing through a steel eyeglass case and a copy of his speech, the bullet lodged in his chest. Did he cancel the appearance? Of course not, he simply said “It takes more than that to kill a bull moose,” and proceeded to give a 90 minute speech. You want to drive on that? No thank you.
SF: #36 Lyndon B. Johnson
Lyndon Baynes Johnson was 6’4″. He was a very large man, and would use that to his advantage. Towering over other politicians, he would lean in to intimidate them to get the necessary votes to pass legislation. He was a tough, Texas boy with little to no filter at times. This is shown in a call with a tailor, describing where he needs slack in his pants to make room for certain body parts. On this team, I can see him fulfilling a role similar to Lance Stephenson against Lebron James in the ECF: just getting really close to the guy he’s guarding, and talking his ear off. Speaking of Lebron, they have the same initials, so I had to include him.
PF: #27 William Howard Taft
Now you might be thinking, “Kevin, you’re telling me you want the man who got stuck in a bathtub on a basketball court?” Yes, yes I do. This man puts the Round Mound of Rebound to shame. While 6’0″, Big Willie (I don’t know if people called him that, but I am) makes up for his lack of height in the post with his size. If he’s boxing you out, you have two options: let it happen or get an over the back call. On offense, he could also back you down, then hit you with a mean fadeaway.
C: #16 Abraham Lincoln
Also 6’4″ like LBJ, Lincoln would be an undersized center. With that being said, he was very intelligent. He could use this intelligence to make up for his size, and be a facilitator down low, as well as getting enough space to get a shot off. Lincoln was also the president during the Civil War. He had to be a calming presence to the nation at this time, and after giving up a long run, he could serve this role for the team. He also could block a lot of shots. I just have a funny feeling he’d be good at that.
Mascot: Dubya
George W. Bush was a cheerleader at Yale. He would not have a costume, he’d just be on the sideline in a suit doing Dubya things. Tell me you wouldn’t want to see that.
