There’s good and bad to find everywhere, but breaking down what’s ugly about everyone else’s team is what keeps us feeling superior as fans. Good, Bad, and Ugly Rankings are here to remind you that your team is just as ugly as the rest of them. Next on the list, the Cincinnati Bengals.
Will recent changes deliver an exciting new chapter for the Bengals? Read on to find out why you shouldn’t get your hopes up just yet.
The Good
For better or for worse, Marvin Lewis is finally gone. One of the NFL’s longest-tenured coaches has been given the boot. Lewis was the second most consistent coach in the league during his time with the Bengals, behind Bill Belichick. Of course, Lewis was consistently average, whereas Belichick is consistently amazing. Now starring in the role of the head coach is Zac Taylor. Taylor is 36, served under Sean McVay for two years, and has all the makings of the NFL’s next wunderkind. If you believe the Bengals front office, that is.
Everyone is trying to recreate the magic of the L.A. Rams by hiring people that have ever been associated with McVay, and so far it’s anyone’s guess as to how effective this strategy will be. Either way, the old guard is dying out, which will hopefully lead us to some exciting new coaching strategies.
While it’d be easy to make fun of the Bengals for hiring Taylor (he has very little coaching experience), he could indeed be very exciting. It’s not easy for us outsiders to know who’s responsible for Jared Goff’s quick growth, but Taylor was his quarterback’s coach last year. If the credit truly does belong to him, then it’s easy to see why the Bengals wanted him to work with Andy Dalton. That’s right folks, Andy Dalton is still your starting QB, and he is as confusing a starting quarterback as we’ve seen in the NFL.
Andy Dalton has played at a ‘B’ level for the majority of his career while showing us flashes of ‘A’ level play. Taylor, of course, will be tasked with turning Dalton into a tier 1 quarterback, which may be easier said than done. At 31, Dalton is a little long in the tooth for a drastic change in his production level, but he’s always hinted at a higher ceiling than what he’s achieved. The Bengals drafted NC State product Ryan Finley in the fourth round, but there isn’t a lot of buzz around the idea of him supplanting Dalton as the starter.
(For the record, I watched Finley a lot in college and I personally think he could perform at the NFL level. I hope there’s some genuine competition during training camp so as to give him a shot.)
Rounding out the offense, A.J. Green is looking to rebound from a season that was hampered by injury. The lack of production meant he was not elected to the Pro Bowl for the first time in his eight-year career. Tyler Eifert is also coming back from injury and should look to prove that he is an elite tight end. We’ve seen that he can produce when he’s healthy, but the problem is that he’s never healthy. The team drafted Drew Sample to flesh out the tight end group, but the general consensus is that he’s more of a blocker, and less of a pass-catcher.
That could change over time, but it’s odd that they’d spend a second round pick on him if he can’t fill in for Eifert in the passing game. Joe Mixon was fantastic last year, ending up fourth in the league for total rushing yards. Giovani Bernard has been a top-five pass blocker for the last two years. That combination will help to keep pressure off of Dalton while he waits for plays to develop.
The defense is talented overall, featuring Geno Atkins and Carlos Dunlap up front. The secondary is manned by three first-round picks in Dre Kirkpatrick, Darqueze Dennard, and William Jackson III. That talent didn’t quite translate to results last year though, and ultimately led to the dismissal of defensive coordinator Teryl Austin. New DC Lou Anarumo is as inexperienced as Zac Taylor is, but the hope is that they’ll be able to put together a defense that doesn’t let the offense down in close games. If injuries don’t plague the team like they have in years past, they should be able to punch their weight in a competitive division.
The Bad
Marvin Lewis might have been boring, but he was good. Maybe not great, but he is the winningest coach in Bengals history. There’s always a risk in moving on from what’s familiar, even if it’s a call that fans have been wanting for a few years now. I’ve watched the Bengals go up and down season after season, fooling us all into thinking they could make deep playoff runs. But as the saying goes, it takes a village. I’m not sure how much blame should get dumped on Lewis for the franchise’s shortcomings.
Let’s not forget that Mike Brown is the owner, president, and general manager. A lot of decisions are made by him alone, and so far that hasn’t led to a lot of success. Remember how good Carson Palmer looked with the Arizona Cardinals? He had an organization that believed in him. He never got that from Brown during his time in Cincinnati.
For all of the quality players on this team over the years, they haven’t won a playoff game since 1991. A new head coach was definitely in order, but it’s not likely to be a one-year turnaround. There’s a culture of mediocrity that needs to be stamped out. It all starts with Mike Brown. The AFC North is the strongest it’s been in years, with the Browns finally poised to have a winning record again. The Ravens have revamped their offense, and their defense looks like a younger version of the unit that’s terrified the league over the years.
The Steelers had a down year last year, but they have a long track record of winning in this division. The Bengals have five games on the schedule that we can all agree they should win (Bills, Jets, Dolphins, Raiders, Cardinals) but this team doesn’t work like that. They never have. They win when they shouldn’t, they lose when they shouldn’t, and confuse the hell out of all of us in the process. The Bengals are one of the most unpredictable teams this year, but that’s been the case for years now. It’s never gotten them anywhere. I don’t know if this season is going to be any different.
The Ugly
How is it that the Cincinnati Bengals have become the least relevant professional sports team in Ohio? The Browns are everyone’s bandwagon team this year. The Cleveland Cavaliers have fallen back into mediocrity without Lebron James, but they were on top of the NBA for years with him. The Indians made it back to the World Series. The Bengals are less exciting than Ohio State’s football program and less interesting than the Cincinnati Bearcat’s basketball program.
That all sucks, and I feel bad for the fans. But honestly, I’m glad Mike Brown is in this situation. It’s one of his own makings. He’s the all-powerful entity that controls this team’s destiny, and he is very bad at his job.
Mike Brown is an awful lot like Donald Trump. He doesn’t deserve the position that he inherited, but he’s convinced that he got there all on his own. If he wasn’t Paul Brown’s son, he’d just be some old fogey stuck in a middle management job. He’d get passed over for promotion after promotion, and he’d go home to complain to his wife as she sits in silent contempt.
Mike Brown is 83 years old. You might hope that he’ll give up the team soon, selling it to someone that can use it as more than a vanity project. However, we should never assume that a mediocre old white man would ever cede ownership of a football franchise willingly. He will somehow figure out a way to preserve his brain, stick it in a robot, and hold the fanbase hostage as he demands a new stadium to increase ticket sales. We will be stuck with robot Mike Brown for the next 100 years.
If Daniel Snyder didn’t exist, Brown would be the de facto crappiest owner in the league. It’s a closer race than we give it credit for.
Last year the Cincinnati Bengals went 6-10, after starting 4-1. This year, they’ll go 5-11 with no chance to make the playoffs. Keep an eye out for the next GBU Rankings article to see if your team is next!
