The Nets Will Be the Most Toxic Boy Band Ever

So let’s talk about the NBA’s new toxic boy band.

Uh, uh, oh, oh, oh

opening lyrics of Big Time Rush by Big Time Rush

If this does not explain the stage we are in with the Brooklyn Nets, I don’t know what will. The rebuild that started after a blockbuster trade with the Celtics that proved too good to be The Truth, has finally begun to bear championship-caliber fruit. For Nets fans, getting Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving with a full team of strong role players gives them Larry O’Brien hopes. There’s just one problem and it’s a big one. The personalities make this look like the beginning of the most toxic boy band of all time.

“Step by Step“: The Nets Build a Strong Foundation.

The team came crashing to the ground after the Celtics trade fiasco. The combination of Deron Williams, Paul Pierce, and Kevin Garnett was less effective than the McCallister family’s travel plans in Home Alone. It’s another fan base who has fallen victim to an overzealous front office.

Will the general manager’s of the NBA ever learn that these trades won’t be the answer? How many times will they bash their heads on the proverbial stone? When will they stop selling the farm for a shot at a ring? If it isn’t Pierce and Garnett, it is Paul George, or Jimmy Butler, or Paul George again! I understand the pressure but sometimes it feels like Elementary School.

“Come on Billy King! See if your tongue will stick to the pole. We’ve all done it before, so it’s your turn!”

“My mom said I shouldn’t. But if you guys did it, maybe…”

If your friends overpaid for a star, would you?

The Nets had nowhere to go but up and they achieved that. Over a slow and grueling process, they were able to identify and develop assets such as guards Spencer Dinwiddie, D’Angelo Russell, Caris Levert, and center Jarret Allen. Valuable players like these elevate the Nets from last place to a playoff team. They found the right pieces to put around their prizes to be named later. The next step was to find those prizes.

“Best Song Ever“: Nets Cool to Durant, Irving, & Harden

The Nets got their prizes when they went after an injured Durant and took Irving away from the Boston Celtics. It’s never bad to have two All-NBA caliber athletes on your squad. The appeal of playing with one of the best in Durant and an elite point guard in Irving attracted veterans such as DeAndre Jordan to join the cause. The call has also been acknowledged by star James Harden, who wants to join in on the action.

Harden wants to move on from the Rockets, the Chronicle has been informed, and is trying to force his way via trade to Brooklyn, allowing The Beard to form the NBA’s next super-team and rejoin forces with former Oklahoma City teammate Kevin Durant.

Brian T Smith from The Houston Chronicle via NBC Sports

If the Nets went and got Harden, the reporters at ESPN would be tripping over themselves to get to Brooklyn and kiss the feet of the new “Big Three”. For once they wouldn’t even care about Governor Cuomo’s Covid-19 regulations.

If your friends overpaid for a star, would you?

Nets fans should be terrified that the team will overpay for a player that would make them the title favorite. That should not be their main concern. There won’t be enough air in the ball to play once Harden and Irving are on the same team. Will new coach Steve Nash get Durant the ball or will he employ the hands off Ty Lue approach and let his stars run the team into the ground?

When any toxic boy band has collapsed it has started with one wildcard. This wildcard has killed many boy bands in the past.

“Poison“: Irving Will Be the Toxic Boy Band’s Catalyst

Kyrie Irving is the very definition of poison.

This is Irving’s third franchise and third opportunity to be a leader. So far, he has not proven that this time will be any different. In Irving’s first three years in Cleveland, he led the team in win shares but was unable to elevate the team past a 33-win record. Lebron came to save the day and how did Irving repay him? By creating a media circus through piss poor communication so he could go elsewhere and be a star.

Irving moved on to Boston where it quickly became apparent that he did not mesh with the future of the organization; talents such as Marcus Smart, Jaylen Brown, and Jayson Tatum. How could such a valuable player and team leader respond to this adversity? By moping in the corner and dribbling the air out of the ball like a child.

When the Nets signed Irving, why did they think this change of scenery would work out better? The 28-year-old has the mood swings of a small child mixed with the delusions of a cartoon character. Bringing him onto your team is like inviting John Rambo to the Sheriff’s Gala.

If You Come at the King

While Irving’s Brooklyn tenure started out slow, his post-Covid antics have been anything but. There is no better way to start a championship run than by taking shots at the reigning champion.

This is the first time in my career where I can look down and be like, ‘That motherf—-r can make that shot, too.

Kyrie Irving on playing with Kevin Durant via CBS Sports

It’s hard for Lebron to not take offense to that. Irving calling himself the clutch one in that relationship is like calling the stormtrooper who hit a main character one time, a dead shot. Irving got carried by a top-five all-time player and then played his own team out of contention but still thinks he wore the pants in that relationship because of one lousy shot.

Hometown Shenanigans

Irving’s outlandish and unreasonable behavior is starting to hit a little closer to home. Recently he sent in a statement for the media rather than show up to the team media session, despite contractual obligations. After getting fined by the league he defended his actions with this rather incoherent message.

It’s really just about how I felt about the mistreatment of certain artists when we get to a certain platform of when we make decisions within our lives to have full control and ownership … We want to perform in a secure and protected space.

Kyrie Irving via ESPN

Huh? I like to believe that I think long and hard about what I put in my articles during prewrite. I am still struggling to wrap my head around this quote.

So you aren’t happy about the narrative the media puts out there? Is that it? We use social media for the freedom that if you want to control your narrative, you have a decent chance at being heard. “We want to perform in a secure and protected space,” says a lot to me. The only thing that Irving isn’t secure from is criticism. If he wasn’t such a brat all the time, there would be a lot less of it too. Then he could go back to his flat Earth conspiracy.

Irving’s antics are only going to get closer to home, fully transforming the Nets into a toxic boy band. If Durant demands the ball, as he should, you will see much more of this Kyrie than before. I know the Nets were damned if they didn’t get Durant another star, but I at least hope they knew they were damned if it was him.

I’ll take a Corona, hold the Kyri— oops I mean virus.

“Bye Bye Bye“: Will KD Run?

I see two scenarios that could equally play out for this years Nets.

The first is that the experiment will play out as it naturally should without any manipulation. Durant will get to twiddle his thumbs while Irving runs around and hogs the ball more than Winnie the Pooh hoards his honey.

While he may act like Winnie the Pooh, Irving isn’t the NBA star that looks like Winnie the Pooh.

Yep I got a wig on.? https://t.co/9gF9X9vZs3

— Kendrick Perkins (@KendrickPerkins) December 16, 2020

If Irving’s dribbling doesn’t drive Durant delirious, the decrease in touches that a trade for Harden brings would. That’s why a trade would make a volatile situation even worse. Keep in mind that Irving, Durant, and Harden all have top twenty career usage percentages. Two of these men haven’t always been the best player on their team, meaning that their usage of late is higher than their average.

How Will Durant Handle Kyrie?

The other scenario involves more intervention on the part of Durant and Nash. Durant, being the best of them all, could demand the ball from Irving. Durant will get his touches but at the cost of the already difficult Irving throwing a hissy fit. There’s just no winning.

I love discussing wacky stars. It’s like third-grade cause and effect homework but at the end the teacher comes over and lights it on fire.

Every toxic boy band starts out with such promise but it is the infighting that is inevitably their downfall. The 2020-21 Brooklyn Nets have that promise. With the talent and versatility of this team, they’d be my pick coming out of the East. What they have in elite talent, they rival with elite media headaches. The attitudes of guys like Irving and potentially Harden will push this team in the wrong direction and we all know what Durant likes to do when he faces adversity, run and hide.

Nets fans should be scared of Durant walking in 2022 if things don’t go his way. Without him, this toxic boy band is no more.

Below is a list of other boy band songs I enjoy but sadly could not work into the article.

• “I Want It That Way“- Back Street Boys
• “Candy Girl”– New Edition
• “End of the Road“- Boyz II Men
• “Burnin’ Up“- Jonas Brothers
• “The Chipmunk Song“- Alvin & The Chipmunks

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