This NFL season has been a perfect microcosm of 2021. Things are more normal than last year, sure, but in the way that Kanye West living in Mercedes-Benz Stadium for weeks finishing an album is more normal than Kanye West wearing a MAGA hat in the Oval Office with Trump. More normal? OK. I still wouldn’t say we’ve hit a healthy equilibrium.
Fans are back and that’s nice; but already this season we’ve seen video of one head coach grinding at a bar with a young woman who was notably not his wife, while another coach was forced to resign following the release of his racist, sexist, and homophobic emails. We’ve seen an organization rush a ceremony to honor one of the franchise’s most beloved players in a blatant effort to distract attention from their role in a major NFL investigation. The league office might be complicit in like 80% of all of this.
Then there’s the on-field action. It’s difficult to remember a season like this where, entering Week 8, at least one team has yet to plant their flag as a clear Super Bowl contender. I know Arizona is 7-0 (more on that below); but they’re not yet proven. Last year’s Super Bowl teams both have their question marks; Brady and the Buccaneers have glaring problems on defense, while Mahomes and the Chiefs look like I did in high school when I’d walk into class a few minutes late only to be greeted by a pop-quiz. I almost forgot; we added another game to this season’s schedule so records and statistics can’t be contextualized in the normal fashion.
In an effort to cleanse myself and my notes app from 7 weeks of bourbon-soaked Sunday night ramblings; here are 7 scattered thoughts following Week 7.
1) How Many Players In the League Are Completely Apathetic?
After their loss to the Titans last weekend, I kept hearing analysts repeat some version of “the Chiefs don’t look like they care right now.” I decided to do some research, and while the exact number is clearly impossible to find, there are endless studies and polls showing that up to 80% of the country either loathes or just doesn’t care about their jobs. They’re there for a paycheck and nothing more. This got me thinking; how many players in the NFL fall into this camp?
My guess is that while the percentage is likely much lower than the nationwide figure, it’s probably a fairly significant number! Most of these guys have been playing football their entire lives and have always been the best; having likely won a high school or college or even professional championship at some point in their playing career. It stands to reason that some of them simply want to play long enough to secure their financial future without having their brains turned to a Mike Pence morning porridge level of mush.
Side note: getting paid high salaries to play a sport doesn’t prevent players from feeling the same way so much of the country does about their jobs, which is why it’s so hilarious that in the billion-dollar industry of the NFL, with fans diligently researching trends and weather patterns to better inform how they invest their money in fantasy and gambling; those well-researched propositions might just depend on whether a random linebacker has a case of the Monday’s.
2) Who’s the Roy Family Of the NFL?
It gets muddy when you start thinking about coaches and executives so I’m keeping this Succession analogy strictly to players.
Tom Brady is Logan Roy. Clearly. He’s the old-timer who everyone thought was done on like 30 different occasions, but he keeps winning and refuses to die (Logan) or concede power (both).
Patrick Mahomes is Kendall. He’s the heir apparent and number one boy, but the person he can’t seem to vanquish yet is his father (I know it’s weird calling Brady Mahomes’ father but let the analogy work, please).
OK, so Siobhan. Shiv is more rounded and naturally talented than anyone in her family; but despite 2+ seasons of impressive results, mistakes in key, high-pressure situations leave us all wondering whether her faults are conquerable. I know Kendall was the one who shit himself but Lamar Jackson is Shiv.
Josh Allen is Roman. Just like Roman was held captive during Season 2 and came out with renewed perspective, Tom Brady leaving New England freed Allen and gave him the opportunity to see the league in a whole new light. Allen grabbing a division title last season and winning against Kansas City this year was impressive, but just like Roman tugging one out while chatting with Gerri or eliminating himself from consideration for the CEO job in a single phone conversation, Allen’s losses in the playoffs and to teams like the Steelers and Titans this year show a man still unready for the captain’s chair.
I’m just going to say: Baker Mayfield doing his little high-step juke move before immediately going out of bounds, while also being the one quarterback everyone always forgets when discussing the most relevant in the league? That has some unbelievable Connor Roy energy.
Baker Mayfield with the high step WHOOOOP! pic.twitter.com/e5YonbdFLO
— Pardon My Take (@PardonMyTake) October 3, 2021
3) Coaches Are Insane
I’m not talking about specific coaches. Pete Carroll is not a normal human person and Mike Vrabel looks like one of those black and white photos of a bodybuilder from the ’30s; but again, not my point. No, when I say coaches are insane I mean the mere existence of head coaches at the professional level, in their traditional form, in the year 2021; is coo-coo.
After Week 6, Lions Head Coach and the man anthropologists believe to be patient zero for the term “Git-R-Done,” Dan Campbell, used his post-game press conference to single out his quarterback, Jared Goff, saying Goff “needs to step up more than he has.” This was on the heels of his press conference the week prior where his frustration with the team’s loss moved him to tears. Then this week, during the Monday night game, Jameis Winston did a Jameis; and when he came off the field viewers could see Sean Payton seething and then very clearly demanding Winston tell him what happened.
Let’s parse this out. Coaches calling plays: good. Coaches handling time management: giddy-up. When coaches treat players the same way my youth football coach treated me when I forgot my hip pads: cringe.
(I’m aware someone could compare this to a boss/ direct report relationship in many other professional fields; and to that, I’d say they’re right. We live in a very bizarre society and it’s uniformly not great that we just blindly embrace outdated hierarchies of power in our jobs).
As someone who can appreciate the “Ra-Ra” coaches in the right context, this isn’t an exact science, but any time you find yourself treating fully grown men like children it seems like an appropriate opportunity to step back and evaluate.
4) I Cannot Believe Jameis Winston Exists
That’s it. That’s the thought. Thanks, bourbon.
5) Are the 2021 Cardinals the 2020 Steelers?
They’re very different teams.
Last season’s Pittsburgh squad who started 11-0 was built on the strength of their defense; whereas this Arizona unit, despite boasting a formidable defense themselves, beats teams with their offense. I’m sure my memory of last season is colored at least somewhat by how it eventually unfolded; but I remember a heavy dose of skepticism that despite their impressive start, Pittsburgh would actually be a legitimate contender.
I feel the same way about this season’s Arizona squad.
Skepticism towards the Steelers was born from a lack of faith in Ben Roethlisberger and the Pittsburgh offense. The future Hall of Fame quarterback didn’t look like he was still capable of efficiently throwing the ball in high-volume situations when his running game lagged or their defense struggled. For the Cardinals, the doubt stems from the quarterback as well. Kyler Murray has been playing like an MVP and has enough arm strength for him, Roethlisberger, and a friend; but can he stay healthy? Already this season there have been plays where his movement outside the pocket and in the run game has left him coming up bothered.
Even if he can stay healthy, though; are we sure Murray has what it takes to win games in December and January against playoff defenses? It’s not a knock on Murray to ask that question. Not many quarterbacks can. Lamar Jackson, another young, mobile quarterback in the midst of what could be his second MVP campaign in three seasons is still trying to clear that same hurdle.
Despite their win against Los Angeles, I still believe more in the Rams. I believe more in the Packers. I certainly believe more in the team being led by the guy who has been in 6 of the last 10 Super Bowls.
6) Two Thoughts On the Jon Gruden Fallout
1: I cannot believe this caught me by surprise. Watch a few clips of this man and listen to the way he speaks to people and tell me this wasn’t the most predictable outcome. You know how sometimes you’re watching a thriller and you have a sneaking suspicion that something is going to happen: Haley Joel Osment is actually a ghost or The Rock isn’t going to salvage this movie; but for some reason, you never turn to the person next to you and whisper your suspicion? That’s me with Jon Gruden being a racist, sexist, homophobic, piece of human garbage.
2: I thought I remembered liking Gruden at one point; but as soon as I gave it a minute I realized every positive memory I have of him is actually just Frank Caliendo.
7) Russell Wilson Is Your Insufferable, Amazing Friend
Russell Wilson’s pregame routine is unlike any other.
— NFL (@NFL) October 18, 2021
?: #SEAvsPIT on NBC
?: NFL app pic.twitter.com/tU9VcFMs0O
Ever since this video came out of Wilson running a 2-minute drill without pads, a ball, or any players on the field; prior to a game he wasn’t even playing in, I’ve been trying to sort out my emotions. He’s this incredibly generous guy. He volunteers in his community and devotes money and time to worthy causes. Yet the man can make my skin crawl with a level of corniness that even now just thinking about gave me the willies.
He’s the friend who infuriates you because he makes you late to a party, but it’s because he was taking time to catch up with your parents. He ate the last slice of pizza, but right as you’re about to blow up on him he lets you know he feels so bad he ordered another pie. He does so many things that make you want to hate him, but then he’s so kind and generous you feel like an ass for feeling that way, and then you get mad at him again for making you go through this emotional journey, and so on.
For anyone in the same boat, I’ve got some advice. When you want to celebrate him and feel good for him, rewatch Super Bowl 48 when he and the Seahawks ran the Broncos off the field. And when he gets under your skin and you need some “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” level satisfaction, go watch him throw the worst (best) interception in Super Bowl history the following season to Malcolm Butler; clinching a championship for the Patriots and prematurely ending what could have been a legitimate NFL dynasty in Seattle.
