What do you do when you’re Dirk Nowitzki, immediately, following a 21 year career of keeping your body well enough to make you one of the top players to ever pick up a basketball? You start hitting up all the ice cream parlors like putting on the freshmen 15 is your new job.
“I’ve had ice cream almost every day,” Nowitzki revealed during an appearance Wednesday on 105.3 The Fan’s Ben & Skin. “The last couple days, I’ve been trying some suits on, and they just don’t fit. … I’m probably already 15 pounds-plus [heavier].”
He added (h/t SportsDay): “It’s honestly been one thing after the next. But I’m enjoying it. It’s different. Honestly, I have not worked out once since my last game. I’m enjoying not having that pressure of always going to the gym.”
I do think that one of the most sneaky great things from pro sports, other than the ability to do whatever you want whenever you want, is the opportunity to pig out on everything whenever you want. During the season, Dirk would have to, begrudgingly, shy away from ice cream and all other types of food that would make him even slower than he was. Probably smart too because a heavier Dirk probably would have had a harder time heaving 3s and changing the way basketball is played.
So, I hope that Dirk goes all the way with his transformation into a regular fat guy like the whole lot of us and makes fat Thor a reality. The idea of Dirk out there owning noobs on Fortnite is a thought that makes me happy. And when it comes time to save the universe from a guy looking to once again wipe out half of existence, I know Dirk will be able to get it in gear with a snap of his fingers.
Here’s to Dirk having a weekend full of ice cream, Taco Bell, Are You Hungry and more ice cream
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