Rowan's Cage: What the [Bleep] is in There?

As a young man whose teenage years were spent in the 1990s, one of my favorite TV sitcoms was Parker Lewis Can’t Lose. A memorable character in the series is Francis Lawrence “Larry” Kubiac (played by Abraham Benrubi). Kubiac is a giant for a teenager, but he is smarter and kinder than what he projects himself to be. One of the running gags of the series was “Larry’s Lunch,” which was a full-sized grocery bag of who-knows-what. And you never, EVER touch Larry’s Lunch. Enter Erick Rowan’s cage.

Erick Rowan’s Cage

Rowan has had several creative walkabouts since joining WWE in 2011. He is most famous for being a member of the Wyatt Family with Luke Harper and Braun Strowman. He and Harper formed the Bludgeon Brothers, one of the most formidable WWE tag teams in 2017 and 2018. After suffering a bicep tear on the August 21, 2018 edition of SmackDown Live, he returned in 2019 to form an alliance with the NEW Daniel Bryan. Upon Bryan’s face turn, Rowan was sent to RAW.

In November, we saw Rowan bring a covered cage to the ring. Since then, Rowan has been featured in squash matches to portray him as a giant. (As the wrestling adage goes: if you’re gonna be a giant, be a giant.) Anyone who dares look inside the cage gets squashed or has red mist sprayed in their face.

Which begs the question: what the [bleep] is in Rowan’s cage? Allow me to pontificate three possibilities.

A Mogwai

If you’ve ever watched the Christmas classic Gremlins then you are familiar with Mogwais. The cute creature from an undisclosed location in Asia mutated into gremlins if you didn’t follow rules for taking care of them. Erick Rowan is doing a stellar job thus far with the rules: he’s protecting the cage from light and he hasn’t gotten what’s in the cage wet. As far as we know, Rowan doesn’t feed it after midnight. Given the travel schedule, you never know if Rowan sneaks the cage creature a bite every so often. (Just pray it’s not Stripe or Mohawk.)

Luke Harper’s Contract Extension

Luke Harper was released by WWE back on December 8. He had been used sparingly since injuring his wrist shortly after Rowan went out of action in August 2018. I, for one, would have been delighted if the Bludgeon Brothers were reunited. They were one of the most dominant tag teams WWE fans had seen in a while back in 2017 and 2018. Unfortunately, injuries shortened their SmackDown tag team title reign to 135 days. If both stayed healthy, I’m certain Harper would have signed an extension with WWE and their dominance would have continued. That contract extension would have certainly had some bite.

The Crazy Cat from Community in Rowan’s Cage?

Fans of the popular, but short-lived sitcom Community remember the Halloween episode “Epidemiology”. The episode centers around some mystery taco dip Dean Pelton picks up at an Army-Navy surplus store. It turned out that he taco dip is actually a bioweapon developed by the Army and the primary side effect is “zombification.” While some of the primary characters become “zombies,” three characters (Jeff, Troy, and Abed) escape to a supply room where they run into an ill-tempered feline. Whatever came of that cat? My theory is that Rowan’s cage holds the feline which he befriended during a recycling project in his alliance with the NEW Daniel Bryan. Rowan is a brutal man – a brutally compassionate man, that is.

What’s your opinion on what’s in Erick Rowan’s cage? Tell us on Twitter @BellyUpWrestlin or on our forum.