I won’t tell you that I have any answers on where the world is heading with the spread of the coronavirus. Nearly every walk of life is affected whether it’s sports and entertainment, which means very little at the moment, to schools and hospitals being turned upside down. The reality is that we’re going through something the majority of people on Earth have never experienced. It’s a bit nerve-racking because of the uncertainty. At any moment, I’m waiting to get told that we’re not allowed to go outside for two weeks. It seems impossible, but check out Italy. The only thing that I can find when I sift through all news coverage and rumors is that if you’re a bomb shelter person then you’re fucking loving all of this. Bomb shelter people are ready for what’s to come.
Bomb shelter people, undoubtedly, are treating the outbreak of the coronavirus as their Super Bowl times a 1,000 right now. The last time that I can recall when bomb shelter folks got up for an end of the world event was the Mayan 2012 apocalypse. That was a fun time for everyone. Except the people who used a litany of buckets as their restroom for days in their underground fortress.
Y2K
But the mecca for bomb shelter people had to be Y2J. Y2K was an electric time when people on the planet thought the Earth was going to nuke itself due to computers not being able to understand the year 2000, or something along those lines. If you want a better explanation, watch Office Space when Peter explains his job. I was a young lad when it was happening but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious to find out if the ground I was standing on was going to be bombed back to the stone age.
Bomb shelter people took the threat of annihilation very seriously and began hunkering down. Surrounded by enough canned cream corn, bags of powdered steak and lasagna to last years they sat high and mighty as they chastised the majority of the world who didn’t believe impending doom was near. Like every other Nostrodamus (spelled correctly on the first try thank you very much) doomsday prediction, the Y2K apocalypse never occurred and life went on. It did, however, spawn the wonderful TV show, Doomsday Preppers. It was a show where people who believe Hitler lives in Antarctica and had a disposable income, competed against each other for who had the toughest/grittiest/bombiest bomb shelter. I have no idea how the show worked. It could have been a show where people showed off and bragged about all the money they put into something they’ll never actually need.
The Test
So, how do you know if you’re a bomb shelter person? It could be hard to figure out. Luckily, I have a quick test that determines if you’re a bomb shelter person or not.
1. Have you ever gone down a rabbit hole of Cold War videos on YouTube and said to yourself, “We got so lucky”?
2. Have you, quickly, of course with no one around, checked how much a hazmat suit cost?
3. Do you own a copy of The Prepper’s Cook Book? Yes, this is real.
4. Are all four seasons of Doomsday Preppers near your TV at all times?
5. Have you mentioned to others that it wouldn’t surprise you if Martial Law went into effect and then berated a younger person for not knowing what Martial Law is?
6. Have you openly cursed out the world elite, out of jealousy, about how they’ll be able to use the secret underground bunker at the Denver Airport? Then, did you explain to whoever is around you everything you know about the Denver Airport?
7. Have you tested your crank radio?
8. Do you have episodes of Infowars, with Alex Jones, ready to go on a moment’s notice?
If you answered yes to any of these questions then it looks like you’re a bomb shelter person. Congrats on being one of the few who will be surviving the coronavirus and every other apocalypse that will be coming our way.
To the rest of us, be safe, listen to what smart people instruct us to do, get a bunch of your favorite beverage and when you find some time, check out some videos on the Denver Airport. Lotta stuff going on there.
Check out my other articles and other Belly Up articles while you wait for sports to resume.
