In the bubble last year, the NBA decided to stop testing for marijuana. With this season on the horizon, the NBA also announced they would continue this policy in December. While I don’t use it, I was jumping for joy when they announced this. However, given how turbulent this season has been (so far), did the NBA make a mistake by allowing players to use the devil’s lettuce? Who has been the most impacted by this decision?
James Harden’s Stomach
James Harden was a mean, lean, scoring machine. Once the NBA started letting players use marijuana, however, he turned into the round mound of extra pounds. I’m not arguing marijuana on it’s own makes you gain weight. However, we’ve all been there (or know people who have). You’re sitting at home, laughing at some stupid joke on Family Guy, eyes so red you looked like you just slaughtered not just the men, but the women and children too.
What do you do then? Order some Taco Bell on Door Dash, and go to town on some Beefy Gordita Crunches. That’s the only logical explanation for why James Harden ballooned this offseason. Some may argue it’s because he was unhappy in Houston, or he just hated ownership and how the team was built. If that was the case, why was Brooklyn one of his preferred landing spots? To play with Kyrie (more on him in a second), KD, and for Steve Nash? Of course not! They’re working on legalizing recreational marijuana! And speaking of Brooklyn teammates…
Kyrie Irving Has Gone Off the Deep End
Kyrie Irving has always been a weird dude, I’m not saying this is new. He said the Earth is flat while in Cleveland, where Marijuana is illegal. Outside of that, he remained pretty quiet, let his play do the talking, and even got a ring out of it. Then, Kyrie was traded to Boston in the 2017 offseason, and things got weird. Before I jump into how they got weird, I want to point out two dates. The first is August 22, 2017: the day Kyrie was traded. The second is July 28, 2017: the day Massachusetts legalized recreational marijuana.
Allegedly, towards the end of his tenure in Boston, he asked coach Brad Stevens, unprompted, “What does government mean to you?” I mean, what kind of question is that first thing in the morning? That’s someone who’s extremely high, acting like they are on some “elevated plane of existence.” The only thing that would have made it more obvious is if he was talking about a car that runs on water!
Now, Kyrie is in a state about to legalize marijuana, while his employer has stopped testing for it. Is it that surprising he’s gone missing? Kyrie is probably just so high, he forgot he was an NBA player! Once the effects wear off, I’m sure he’ll come back to Barclays like nothing happened, and miss games for the normal reasons: “load management” and being scared of Boston.
Should the NBA re-Ban Marijuana?
Yes. The NBA 100% should start testing for marijuana again. You have one star in horrendous shape and another who has no idea what planet he’s on. Now they’re on the same team, and are probably hotboxing the locker room as we speak. Who’s next? Will Steph think he’s prime Vince Carter and try dunking over Rudy Gobert? We can’t have anyone else be ruined by this horrible, dangerous drug. Buy back into big pharma, get these guys hooked on painkillers for the rest of their lives so I can enjoy basketball again.
Do you think the NBA should test players for marijuana again? Sign the petition by following me on Twitter (@BellyUpKev) and let’s save the NBA.
