It’s that magical time of year again when hockey fans everywhere cancel their plans and tune in to the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Everyone has their favorite teams they love, but there are also teams fans just love to hate. Ask anyone in Canada OUTSIDE of Toronto who they hate the most. I feel I need to make a public service with the Hater’s Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Which teams are the ones you’ll most likely hate in this year’s playoffs? I’ll introduce you to the Hateability Scale as to which ones you’ll probably hate the most.
Boston Bruins
Hateability Scale: 8.5/10 (Infinity/10 if you live in New York)
The first team on the Hater’s Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs are the Boston Bruins. The B’s ran away with the President’s Trophy on their way to the highest point and win totals in NHL history. The primary reason why they have a high score on the Hateability Scale? Brad Marchand, who is arguably the biggest pest and most hated player in the NHL. And he’s reportedly mentoring Tyler Bertuzzi to pass the torch. The President’s Trophy winner typically stumbles in the playoffs during the expansion age, and it’ll be easy to want the Bruins to go down.
Carolina Hurricanes
Hateability Scale: 6/10 (20/10 if you live in Hartford)
The second team on the Hater’s Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs are the Carolina Panthers Hurricanes. They’ve won a division title the past three seasons, but haven’t gone past the second round since 2019. The Canes have a moderate score on the Hateability Scale. They’ve three-peated as division winners, but outside of the Metropolitan Division, they’re not generally disliked. Fun Fact: Don Cherry called them a “bunch of jerks” once because they had fun after a win once.
Colorado Avalanche
Hateability Scale: 9/10 (10,000/10 if you live in Detroit)
The next team on the Hater’s Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs is the Colorado Avalanche. The Avs are the reigning, defending, undisputed Stanley Cup Champions. In fact, last year’s journey to the Cup – in which they lost four games in total – was a walk in the park compared to past champions. The Avs are led by Nathan MacKinnon, who is such a health nut that he celebrated last year’s Cup win with a bowl of wintergreen ice milk*. Since people these days hate success and want to see the best go down, the score on the Hateability Scale is high.
(*Allegedly.)
Dallas Stars
Hateability Scale: 5/10 (10/10 if you live in Minnesota)
Next on the Hater’s Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs are the Dallas Stars. In a close race in the Central Division, the Stars nearly earned their first division title since 2016. So close. They’ll face a franchise from their original state, the Minnesota Wild. Oddly enough, this is only the second time the teams have faced each other since the Stars relocated in 1993. Dallas won in six games. The score on the Hateability Scale is moderate because like Carolina, they’re not generally disliked outside of their division. But they’re in the same city as the NFL’s Cowboys, so… that’s that.
Edmonton Oilers
Hateability Scale: 7/10 (10/10 if you live in Vancouver or Winnipeg, Infinity/10 if you live in Calgary)
The next team on the Hater’s Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs are the Edmonton Oilers. For much of the season, the Oilers were treading water in the playoff race. But a surge in March saw them jump in the standings and finish… second in the Pacific Division. Connor McDavid had one of the greatest individual seasons ever, but he’s not the primary reason to hate the Oilers. Evander Kane is, and it’s not for on-ice stuff. They’re also one of three Canadian teams in the playoffs, but the hate is real two and a half hours south in Calgary. This gives the Oilers a moderately high score on the Hateability Scale.
Florida Panthers
Hateability Scale: 7.5/10 (10/10 if you live in Tampa Bay)
Next up in the Hater’s Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs are the Florida Panthers. The Panthers were last season’s President’s Trophy winner and they flailed in the second round to Tampa Bay. Their score would have been high last season, but it’s a new season and a new playoff. Who will the Panthers face in the opening round? This year’s President’s Trophy winner: Boston. But why do they have a moderately high Hateability Scale score? Primary pest Matthew Tkachuk – and it’ll be a fun set of mind games between Tkachuk and fellow pest Brad Marchand.
Los Angeles Kings
Hateability Scale: 6/10 (10/10 if you live in Anaheim or San Jose)
Up next in the Hater’s Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs are the Los Angeles Kings. Last season, they took Edmonton to seven games in the opening round of the playoffs. Who will they face in the opening round of this year’s playoffs? Edmonton – again. The majority of Western Canada will be rooting for the Kings in the opening round, which makes their score on the Hateability Scale moderate. Plus, the Kings are just… kinda there. Nothing exciting.
Minnesota Wild
Hateability Scale: 5/10
The next team on the Hater’s Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs is the Minnesota Wild. The Wild fought hard to win the Central Division, but they didn’t. Now they face Dallas in the opening round of the playoffs. They have their primary star Kiril Kaprizov back in time for the playoffs. But like the previously mentioned team – the Kings – they’re just kinda there. Not much to hate unless you’re a division rival.
New Jersey Devils
Hateability Scale: 5.5/10 (10/10 if you’re a Rangers, Flyers, or Islanders fan)
Next up in the Hater’s Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs are the New Jersey Devils. The Devils are one of the feel good stories of this season. They set a franchise record in points and wins and improved by 49 points in the regular season. They have a rising star in Jack Hughes. Unless you hate feel-good stories or you’re a Rangers, Flyers, or Islanders fan, there’s not much to hate about this team. Plus, they’re in the playoffs for the first time in six seasons, so they score low in the Hateability Scale.
New York Islanders
Hateability Scale: 7/10 (10/10 if you’re a Rangers, Flyers, or Devils Fan)
The next team in the Hater’s Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs are the New York Islanders. After a miserable season in 2022, the Islanders return to the playoffs. I mean, it took all 82 games to get there, but they got there. One reason for the high score on the Hateability Scale is the regional rivalry factor. All three New York Metro teams are in the playoffs for the first time since 1994. It’s good to have that old fashioned hatred among the three franchises back. One pest to watch in their series against Carolina is Cal Clutterbuck. Watch his hit total rise, especially if he’s at UBS Arena.
New York Rangers
Hateability Scale: 8/10 (20/10 if you’re an Islanders fan, 100/10 if you’re a Devils fan, Infinity/10 if you live in Boston)
Up next in the Hater’s Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs are the New York Rangers. The Blueshirts overcame a slow start and questionable chemistry to make the playoffs. They’ll face their hated rival Devils in the opening round. There are plenty of reasons to hate the Rangers: they play in New York, they have star power, and Jacob Trouba. Trouba is a pest of a defenseman and tends to push the envelope with his play. Plus, if you live in Boston, you just want to see any team based in Manhattan lose, even though the B’s and Rangers aren’t in the same division.
Seattle Kraken
Hateability Scale: 4/10
The next team on the Hater’s Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs is the Seattle Kraken. In their second season in the NHL, the Kraken managed to make the playoffs. Like the Devils, they are one of the feel-good stories of this season. Unlike their expansion brethren in Vegas, it took the Kraken a while to come together as a team. And again, unless you hate feel-good stories, there’s not much to hate about the Kraken. That is, unless they win the Stanley Cup in this playoff.
Tampa Bay Lightning
Hateability Scale: 8/10 (1000/10 if you’re a Maple Leafs or Panthers fan)
Up next in the Hater’s Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs is the Tampa Bay Lightning. The ‘Ning have appeared in the last three Stanley Cup Finals, winning two and losing one. The Lightning are especially hated in Miami and Toronto, who they will face again in the opening round of the playoffs. And like most haters, they hate success. Fans will want to see the three-time, three-time, three-time Eastern Conference champions dethroned. This is especially true for the next team.
Toronto Maple Leafs
Hateability Scale: 8/10 (Infinity/10 if you’re a fan of any other Canada-based team)
The next team in the Hater’s Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs are the Toronto Maple Leafs. Canadian hockey fans outside of Toronto regularly sip on the Haterade when it comes to the Maple Leafs. While the team has been successful in getting to the playoffs, they haven’t gotten past the opening round since 2004. This is the team Canadians love to see fail. I have no issue with the Maple Leafs – though I have a theory Auston Matthews will go home to Arizona in the offseason – but the hatred for them is so strong. It’s difficult not to give them a high score on the Hateability Scale.
Vegas Golden Knights
Hateability Scale: 9/10
Up next in the Hater’s Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs are the Vegas Golden Knights. Fans have been hating on the Golden Knights since their inaugural season when they went to the Stanley Cup Final. Hey, is it my fault Brad McCrimmon took advantage of your incompetent GM? No, it isn’t. But the success of the Golden Knights has always been a divisive topic. After a one-year absence from the playoffs, the Golden Knights are back in the playoffs. Do the Golden Knights have anyone who is pest-worthy? Not really. But again, haters hate success and VGK is a success story. High score on the Hateability Scale.
Winnipeg Jets
Hateability Scale: 4/10 (10/10 if you’re an Oilers or Flames fan, 0/10 if you live in Atlanta)
The final team in the Hater’s Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs are the Winnipeg Jets. Rick Bowness has guided the Jets back to the playoffs after a one-year absence when it looked like the Jets were on a trip to Rebuild Mode. Again, theirs is a feel-good story this season in their trip back to the playoffs. But unless you live in Alberta or you hate feel-good stories, there’s not a lot to hate about the Jets.
Happy Stanley Cup Playoff season – and happy hating.
