I’ll be straight up with you guys, I am not a politics guy. I don’t get it at all so I made the executive decision at 18 years old to just stay away. I would rather keep my dignity than speak with a master debater who puts my mind in a pretzel.

More than that, I don’t really like stickers and I feel like if your into politics you have to like stickers. If you’re on the left you slap them on your laptop or camera case. If you’re on the right you put them all over your pickup truck. Either way, I try to live a sticker free life so by default I stay away from politics.

So, as a self proclaimed idiot, I have to pose the question: are we on the brink of a war with our neighboring country? No I am not talking a serious war, thank G. And, No, I’m not talking south of the border either. I am talking the to the North. Yeah that’s right the North. Canada.

"We the North" are looking for a sports war


I am talking a Sports War here ladies and gentleman. What is going on between Canada and the US? I mean since birth I was taught two things and two things only.

Canada = Hockey and US = Basketball. That’s it. That all I knew and to be honest, probably explains my GPA a little better now that I know other things.

Based on this truth I feel like we all agree with; what is going on in the sports world recently? Tensions are rising, and as a citizen of the US, I am starting to fret! After my research for this blog in which I studied all of war throughout all of history, I came up with this fundamental truth: wars start when one group takes something that isn’t rightfully theirs. So let’s look a little deeper into the documents.

Well, with game 6 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs tonight consisting of two US teams, I think it is safe to say that the Cup will remain in the US. Of course nothing is for certain until the final whistle, but I am going to go ahead and give this one the green light. History will tell us this is fine. America has a long history of taking what isn’t theirs and expecting no repercussions.

Knowing this, we should be fine, especially since we are THE United States of America and Canada is too nice to do anything in retaliation. They would feel they are inconveniencing us if they asked for their cup back. In fact that’s probably why there hasn’t been a Canadian Team to hoist the Cup since 1993. They just don’t want to bother us. Honestly, a terrifically nice gesture. One would think…

But just when we thought everything was gravy and Canada was just going to let us walk all over them, this happens:

The first attack in the sports war: The NBA

Uhhhhhh what is going on? Are we being punk’d? Is this a threat? Is Canada retaliating by taking something of ours? Are they finally growing the courage to come at us? Are they looking to start a sports war?

Basketball is an American sport and the Larry O’Brien NBA Finals trophy does not belong in Canada. Not only that, but they are using advanced technology to defeat us, namely Artificial Intelligence, AKA robots as seen below.

Canada's secret weapon during the sports war
Canadian Robot

You’re going to sit there and try to tell me Canada didn’t create this robot, make him look American, send him to a sub par school to avoid any press, send him to San Antonio, program him to be upset after winning a title there, then get him traded to Toronto to finally take what’s ours? Please, grow up.

I mean in terms of long term strategy you have to respect it. They had a plan and they are executing it perfectly. Obviously there is one more game so we’ll have to wait and see, but as the saying goes, the hypothetical war begins when the fat lady sings and they take our trophy.

I urge the reader to not panic. As I said they haven’t taken anything yet, but as an American citizen, it is my duty to warn you of the threats from up North. But again, I am not a politics guy and definitely not a warfare guy.

It’s just not right, the Larry O’Brien trophy doesn’t belong in Canada, and yet with one more win those Canadians will take it right from our hands, almost in plain sight. If this happens to be the case and Toronto finishes one of the greatest upsets in Sports History, ruining one of the all time greatest franchise runs, it begs the question: are we on the brink of a sports war with our neighbors to the North?

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